The Internet can be a beautiful place that connects strangers from all walks of life together in one Reddit fan theory forum on the Pixar shared animated universe. Half of my friends were met through the wonders of Wifi.
The Internet is an ocean of information. Anything you want to know, you can type into that search bar and Google drowns you with facts. There are wonderful sites like Deadseriousness that spoon feed you that information.
With those benefits come massive negatives like the swarm of contrarian and ‘well, actually’ assholes that teleport into comment sections every time a celebrity or athlete is caught hitting a woman that feel like they need to ‘you gotta hear both sides’ a very cut and dry situation.
So, let me just quickly write this instructional guide on when it is okay and not okay to hit a woman. Walk with me.
Here is the rule if you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re about to hit a woman: You can’t hit a woman.
“What if she provokes you?”, you can’t hit her.
“What if she hits you first?”, you can’t hit her.
“What if she puts a sword through your mother’s chest?”, you can’t hit her.
“What if she puts a gun to your head and you have to hit her or she’ll kill you”, she kills me.
On Friday, TMZ released of video from February of Kansas City Chiefs star running back, Kareem Hunt, screaming in a woman’s face and needing to be held back before he eventually shoved her and then kicked her when she was on the ground.
What’s worse: Kareem Hunt shoving this girl like he’s trying to push a car in neutral or the fact that he had to be held back from really hurting her? pic.twitter.com/OwrbmqXTkg
— Dead Serious (@Deadseriousness) November 30, 2018
It is also being reported that this 19-year old girl called him the n-word and they were both drunk and things escalated blah blah. And right on schedule, men came in waves to say that this woman deserved to be hit and she shouldn’t have been screaming in his face if she didn’t want to be kicked in the head.
Here’s the thing, nah.
Do you really think Kareem Hunt was minding his own business and this woman dove out of a helicopter to come ruin his night? It’s insane to not think he didn’t play a role in her flipping out. She didn’t wake up that morning like ‘I’m going to make an NFL player kick me’.
There is never a situation in which the only way to can get out of it is to swing on the Mrs. If you are this big strong man that you purport yourself to be then maybe don’t be such a sensitive little bitch where mean words make you lose your mind and hit a chick.
I don’t want to hear ‘oh, that woman went too far. She talked shit and got hit’. And I fully recognize that sometimes, women in these abusive relationships play a role in the violence. They intentionally provoke and they engage physically and they are shitty. Toxic relationships happen every day, b.
But again, hard and fast rule here. You can’t hit a woman.
There is never a situation in which you HAVE to hit her. This is insane that I even have to write this. What the fuck is wrong with you people? Literally just re-read all of this and thought to myself ‘guys are going to disagree and try to tell me when it’s okay to beat a woman’.
Also, I’m all over the place here but now I’m angry typing at this point. Someone messaged me earlier this week on the Reuben Foster story and wanted to tell me that his girlfriend was lying.
To quickly run through the Reuben Foster story, the former San Francisco 49ers linebacker was arrested for beating up his girlfriend earlier this year. The woman testified under oath that she was lying about the domestic abuse and nothing actually happened.
There are two possible explanations for this, either A.) she truly was lying to get back at Foster and then when things went to trial she regretted it and told the truth that the incident never happened. OR B.) she lied under oath and Reuben Foster really did beat her and she realized that her bae was about to lose his career which means they were both about to lose everything if he went to jail.
*whispers* it’s options B.
You want to know how I know it’s option B? Because last weekend, Foster was yet again arrested for slapping the shit out of this same woman. Here’s another rule, I know I’m throwing a lot at you here I apologize, but if someone gets caught hitting a woman, it’s never their first time hitting a woman.
I bring all of that up to say, as men, our first instinct should not be to defend the other man. These women aren’t lying to get some advantage or attention. In fact, these women are lying and NOT reporting that they’re being hit just to avoid the attention and losing their significant others (even though the justice system favors men in these cases).
So let’s recap what we’ve learned here:
- it doesn’t matter what mean words a mean lady says to you. It is not your job to deliver her punishment via your fists. Walk away.
- Believe women.
- Stop automatically defending men.
- Don’t fucking hit women.
Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.
sidenote: It’s not okay to hit anyone. That’s kind of the fucking point.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you can think of a good reason to hit a woman so I can find you and throw you into a volcano. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.