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Whatever You Do, Don’t Ever Feel Bad For Lance Armstrong

ESPN decided to not only make but also release a 4-hour two-part 30 For 30 on Lance Armstrong. A story that literally no one asked for or needed more insight on. A man who is so unlikable that he makes the Fyre Fest guy look like Martin Luther. Both the German and King Jr.

This documentary provides no new information or insight into this maniac’s life or accomplishments. If anything, there is a weird desire to humanize him by constantly showing footage of his current day-to-day lame ass life where all of his friends behave like they’re on their way to a Barstool blackout event.

4-hour documentary and it spends more time talking about how successful he was at the beginning of his career then it does displaying just how vile of a human he truly is towards the end of it. When the walls finally caved in and Lance could no longer pay for the positive tests to disappear, he lashed out and attacked everyone around him.

Emma O’Reilly was Lance Armstrong’s masseuse during the Tour De France and used to lie for Lance and help him put makeup on his arms to hide the bruising from all the blood transfusions and EPO he was using to cheat.

When Lance fell into legal trouble because he could not stop cheating to win races that literally no in America gave a shit about, investigators questioned Emma O’Reilly who admitted to helping Lance cover up his cheating.

Naturally, Lance defended himself by calling Emma a ‘prostitute’ a ‘whore’ and an ‘alcoholic’. That’s pretty much how he’d treat every single person who was honestly recalling the truth about Lance’s cheating. He’d viciously attack them and attempt to ruin their lives so he can *squints* ride his bike. Ok.

The worst of all was his treatment of former teammate, Floyd Landis, who he still hates to this day.

Floyd Landis was caught cheating and was told to stay away from the sport for a year in a little wink agreement that he’d be allowed back if he just kept silent. Floyd did exactly that and when it came time to put him back on Lance’s team, they iced him out of the sport which led Floyd to type out a letter detailing all of Team USA’s cheating over the years.

Aw, poor Lance. He inspired cancer patients and sold millions of those wack ass rubber Livestrong bracelets with a totally false heroic story of physical achievements and the people around him simply told the truth and we should feel bad for LANCE in this whole situation.

It’s important for me to point out that I am pro cheating. Everyone please do steroids and HGH and sketch blood transfusions. Whatever it takes to get the best possible physical performances. The most selfish move in sports history is Ken Griffey Jr deciding not to use steroids. My man would’ve hit 1,200 homers.

But when you go out of your way to attack the people around you for YOUR mistakes then you’re a coward and a loser. Lance Armstrong will forever be a bitch to me for going after the poor woman who has to rub his dry boney body.

Fuck Lance Armstrong.

 

 


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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