Westworld season 2 is beginning soon so we’re about to revisit the most sadistic adult amusement park ever created where you rape and murder robots and the robots are programmed to believe and behave as if they are truly being raped and murdered because Robert Ford got a blank check from the Delos board of directors to give the 1% a place to kill and cum.
But what if you saved up a few tax returns and had enough cash to spend a weekend at Westworld? Would you follow a storyline or would you go rogue like The Man in Black and search for the center of the maze for some meaning in life?
What would you do at Westworld?
Clearly, this is a hypothetical that takes place before the season finale where Dolores put a bullet through the creator’s cranium and Maeve unleashed all of the robots to murder everyone. It’s safe to say that the park is probably closed for maintenance when season 2 begins.
First of all, there will be blood. I’ve never seen a heist movie that I didn’t love so first thing I’m doing is robbing that one bank in the heart of town across from where Maeve and all the other hookers chill. I am stealing all of the fake money that I can.
Second, there’s going to be shoot out. If you go to Westworld and you don’t draw 10 paces at high noon then you are wasting your money but I suppose if you’re spending any amount of cash to go play pretend in Westworld then you’re already wasting money.
The Man in Black was on a mission to solve a maze. Pass. I would be on a mission to find that samurai world. We saw a little peek of these shoguns in the finale and I would be busting my ass to find it. Fuck the maze. I want ninjas.
I don’t want to sit here and pretend like I’m the perfect man. I too, enjoy the company of a young robot woman. My dating life isn’t anything special. Sex is miles away from me. I’d settle for a text back but even that seems out of the realm of possibility at the moment.
So yea um, I miiiight go see what Dolores is up to or whatever. But like, I would never force myself on that young lady. I’d try to win her with my charm and symmetrical face and hope that she’d settle for me before I awkwardly have to walk back to the town square, past the bank I just robbed, to the whore house and spend all of my heist money on Clementine.
Actually, as I write this I’m realizing how boring this park is. The ‘wild wild west’ was lame as shit. I don’t want to ride a real-life horse so I don’t get the appeal of a robot one. Plus, it’s probably sooo hot there. It looks way too humid for ya boy. Like, why are there fake robot flies everywhere?
Okay, I’m out on Westworld. Call me when there’s a Jurassic World.