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What The Fuck Are The Detroit Pistons Doing?

There are many ways to handle a breakup. You can focus on yourself and get your shit in order. Personally, I enjoy wallowing in the heartbreak and maintaining a consistent state of pain and drunk. The Detroit Pistons, however, broke up with Andre Drummond and uh, I don’t think they’re handling it well.

The Pistons started the offseason by trading for Dewayne Dedmon. An underrated big man with shooting range. Dope. Feel you. Go off.

They proceeded to draft Isaiah Stewart, a big man out of Washington. Interesting. Reminder they just required Dewayne Dedmon. Also important to say that Blake Griffin is already there but you need depth so again, cool. Do your thing.

And then Woj tweets trickled in revealing their free agent signings.

Power forward Jerami Grant.

Center Jahlil Okafor.

Center Mason Plumlee.

Center Tony Bradley.

This is so sad and so obvious. We get it. You miss Andre Drummond but you don’t need to go out every night and publicly hook up with new big men. You’re better than this. This is nasty. The desperation is so evident. I hope he sees this, bro.

Acquiring 6 big men in a 3-day span is an odd team-building exercise. Giving Jerami Grant $19 million is just gross. My man averaged 12 and 4 last season and suddenly he’s the second highest-paid player on an NBA franchise. What is the plan here? Why draft Isaiah Stewart and sign Jahlil Okafor in the same breath?

Insert photo of Wolverine longingly clutching a picture frame with a photograph of Andre Drummond. Simps.

The Pistons will win 15 basketball games but they’re going undefeated in their intermural rugby team.

 

 

 


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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