What I Learned Week of July 12

John Oliver is pretty funny, but probably a buzzkill at a party.

“Wow, that was a great All Star game!” Said nobody. Ever.

If you sing on a Subway and no one notices, are you Brandy?

This weeks’ Demarcation Line of Youth: Live Aid was 30 years ago this week. If you remember Live Aid, you are old. If you “kinda” remember it, you have 2-3 years before you are old. If you don’t know what Live Aid was, you got all the time in the world, kid.

Even a drunk Donovan McNabb is far more tolerable than any of the trash that occupies Philadelphia’s stadium.

After initially supporting Bill Cosby, view co-host Whoopi Goldberg suddenly changed her tune. Apparently she still supports all you can eat buffets. (Seriously, not to be mean, but it looks like it’s a problem.)

People bitching about Amazon’s #PrimeFail was a thing. Meanwhile, there’s still war in the Sudan, Greece needs another bailout, and billions of people literally don’t have a pot to piss in. But seriously, keep up your entitled bitching. This is why people hate America.

In the year 2015, why are we still having Miss USA pageants? Granted, this year’s winner is a smokeshow, but let’s up the hawtness and have a Ms. Instagram pageant.

You can turn in these “What I Learned”posts on time, and they will still run late.

Sharknado 3 drinking game for later on this week: Drink once when you see a special effect that cost $4, celebrity cameo and every time you just feel generally ashamed for watching. Drink twice when you actually find yourself entertained/enjoying it.

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Written by Kevin McFadden

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