The Wheel of Misfortune continues to spin in Bahsten, yet the New England Patriots are defiantly 3-0. Tom Brady is still 2 weeks away from being fed up with Gisele’s shit and taking over. The problem here is there is still one more Bradyless week, and all of the other QBs have gotten hurt. So with one more game to go (then the bye week, where the streets of Boston will not be drowning in piss), Belichick finds himself in quite the pickle. Who plays QB? Well, we here at the Seriousness have a lot of influence in the sporting world. We got ourselves the short list of Potential Week 4 New England quarterbacks.
1. Pretty much anyone from the Arena League. Apparently, they so got it going on up there, it’s pretty much like the Amazon driverless car. But it would help to get someone with some knowledge of the game and some skills. The arena league is full of them. Owner Robert Kraft is tight with Jon Bon Jovi, and I think Bon Jovi’s team just won the Arena Bowl.
(I hear the game was a…..runaway. YYEEEOOWWWWW.)
So just pull some dude from there. Hell, it can be a defensive back at this point.
2. Triple H. H is famous for coming in on the top storylines anyway. He has the build to take a few hits. Plus, he’s a master at distracting the referee. But I would just love to see him come out and give a crotch chop to the crowd. Break it down, indeed.
3. Me. I won a Fantasy league last year with-surprise!-Tom Brady as my QB. It’s only right I pay it back. I’m a sportsman that way.
4. Drew Bledsoe. You know it burns him NE got legit after he got hurt. So pay it back to him, and give him one more time to suit up and go out on his terms. He’s only 44, he’s got a lil’ sumthin’ left in the tank.
5. Gary Cherone. Local guy, and knows a thing or two about following in some big footsteps.
6. Mark Sanchez. Psyche! Just kidding. It’s not bad enough to bring that mess in. Plus, isn’t he starting in Denver?
7. Dan Marino. Someone finally get that man a damned ring.
8. Matt Flynn. Dude specializes coming in and kicking ass for one game.
9. Angelina Jolie. She’s already getting experience dodging men, she’s just gotta learn to throw the ball a bit.
10. Any of the Backstreet Boys. Sounds lame, right? Well, they’re planning a reunion, so anything we can do to prevent that from happening, we should be doing so.
Did I miss anyone?
King’s sidenote: I do not co-sign any anti-Backstreet Boys slander. They’re a top 5 band of all time. The New England Patriots would be honored for the opportunity to host the Boys.