We Don’t Need a Tiger King TV Show

Tiger King was a docu-series about a flamboyant tiger breeder who built a zoo in the middle of Oklahoma before being arrested for hiring a crack head to murder his rival in Florida who was lobbying to get his zoo shut down.

It was dumb and funny and on paper, it’s very obvious why a network would want to turn this into a series. But there’s a gigantic elephant in the room and that elephant is getting abused just like the tigers and the lions and all of these animals who are being raised in tiny ass cages.

Joe Exotic is a narcissistic needy greedy sociopath who breeds tiger cubs and then charges people way too much money to take photos of themselves petting these cubs but really uses these shows to filter people to the gift shop where he can sell them his country albums and condoms with his face on them.

He killed tigers went they got too big because they couldn’t make him money anymore being pet by spoiled children and he didn’t have enough old meats he stole from Walmart to feed adult-sized tigers.

This piece of shit drugged and essentially kidnapped his not even gay husbands until one of them killed themselves. He blew up crocodiles to destroy evidence. Oh, and it should be repeated that he is currently in prison for hiring someone to kill his rival, Carole Baskin.

So you can imagine my surprise when I see reports that Nicolas fucking Cage is set to star as Joe Exotic in a new scripted TV series in development. And it’s coming to CBS. Not some garbage app like Quibi but no, a legit network will be paying Nicolas Cage money to portray a garbage man who does not in any way deserve any of this attention.

A Tiger King TV show starring Nic Cage. Wonderful. Meanwhile Jeff Lowe is wearing 7 Ed Hardy shirts and ripped jeans with all of Joe Exotic’s animals and employees committing the same crimes against animals and no one seems to care. Doc Antle has sex slaves and Carole Baskin probably didn’t kill her husband but most certainly kills a shit load of tigers.

My point is, these tiger assholes are all still actively being monsters and now Nic Cage is starring in a show about the terrible lives they’re actively living. The entire popularity of this stupid Netflix doc is frustrating. People who are not used to understanding irony suddenly get to join in on the constant Tiger King memes in between their hours of watching Spongebob reruns and trying new flavors of Combos.

And I’m not saying Spongebob and Combos are bad. I’m just saying the people whose entire life revolves around those two activities should not be the dictating culture or the target audiences for any content outside of what airs on Adult Swim at 2am.

And you know Nic Cage is going to get too deep into character and he’s going to start killing tigers so he can fully grasp the role.

Maybe let’s free these animals from illegal imprisonment before we tell the stories of the psychos who are hurting them.

And let’s stop giving Nic Cage money to buy dinosaur skulls and rare minerals.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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