Wait, How The Fuck is Sonny Gray an All-Star?

Apparently Sonny Gray is a 2019 NL All-Star replacing Max. Scherzer of all people. That’s like if Marvel came out an said that Chris Evans couldn’t be Captain America in Avengers so they’re replacing him with Chris Farley(‘s corpse).

Scherzer started on Saturday which makes him ineligible to pitch at the All-Star. Also worth mentioning he threw 7 scoreless innings and struck out 11 batters.

He’s really good at baseball.

It truly makes no sense removing Scherzer from the team because he pitched 3-4 days earlier. It’s a meaningless exhibition game. He should still be suited up and hanging out with everyone and just, ya know, use the other pitchers on the team. It’s only 9 innings. No one tuning in to see Sonny be a weirdo.

Sonny Gray is 5-5 on the season with a 3.59 ERA. That’s decent. Certainly not All-Star caliber but decent. I suppose I should also mention that in his last start, he threw 8 scoreless innings and struck out 12. It was a prettyyy decent Scherzer impression.

Gray also has a 10.3 K/9 and 1.185 WHIP. He’s good. Fine, I will admit that Sonny Gray is having a good season.

Look at this dead-eyed sociopath.

Was this all just a trick on the Yankees? I don’t trust this maniac. It wouldn’t shock me at all to find out that Sonny Gray intentionally pitched like trash in the Bronx because some clubhouse attendant responsible for doing the team’s laundry lost one of his socks or something so he purposely sabotaged the season.

Gray has 103 Ks this season. He had 123 all of last year. This bitch. His ERA is the lowest it’s been since he was a Cy Young candidate in Oakland.

Somewhere Sonny Gray is throwing darts at a photo of Gary Sanchez and there’s a solid possibility that he turned himself into an All-Star solely to get an opportunity to pitch at Gary Sanchez and nail him in the temple.

Never trust a grown ass man who enjoys being called ‘Pickles’. Everyone stay safe at All-Star week. Sonny is coming and he has some evil shit planned.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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