Turns Out You Can, In Fact, Guard Mike

The New Orleans Saints have been eliminated from the playoffs after being handed a big fat L from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in what we are being told is Drew Brees’s final NFL game. Brees went down in flames throwing for just 134 yards and tossing 3 interceptions to the defense but the biggest no-show of the night belonged to Michael Thomas.

Michael Thomas aka ‘CantGuardMike’ is famous mainly because he is constantly on social media telling us that he’s famous. Whenever a list of the top receivers circulates, you know Michael Thomas will be there to shout about how he deserves to be No. 1 on the list.

Here’s a quick look at his stat line from Sunday night:

0 catches

0 yards

0 touchdowns.

Can* guard Mike, actually.

Here’s what Bucs cornerback, Sean Murphy-Bunting, said after shutting down Mike Thomas:

“Man, we just played ball,” Murphy-Bunting said, via NFL Network’s James Palmer. “I’m not the type to be doing the back and forth, he said, she said thing. But I took it to heart when during pregame I’m sitting on the bench, and he’s walking down the sideline mean-mugging me three or four times. I don’t say much, but when you do something like that, it’s like you’re trying me as a man. So with all that taunting stuff that he does, and muscles up and all that, he didn’t do it one time this game. I’m not going to sit here and trash talk anybody. He’s a really, really, really good receiver. Catch radius. He’s really talented. But at the end of the day, you’re not going to try me as a man. You’re not going to try any of my guys. We’re going to battle. That’s it.”

Absolutely hilarious knowing that Michael Thomas was mean-mugging the Bucs sideline before the game and then proceeded to have the same stats as I did.

Not only did he have 0 catches on 4 targets but one of those targets ended in an interception by Murphy-Bunting. Always great when your defender runs a better route to the football than you do as a wide receiver.

And while we’re dunking on Thomas, this seems like a good time to say that receptions don’t totally matter that much.

Michael led the NFL in receptions in 2018 and 2019 and I just want to say who cares? It’s like leading the league in passing attempts or a running back leading the league in carries. Cool. You win games by scoring the most points. Not by running the most plays.

Anyway yea, you can guard Mike.





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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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