Totally Not Insane Woman Defends Roy Moore’s Pedophilia in a Totally Not Crazy Insane Way

Sooo this confirms my suspicions about Jane Porter, the spokesperson for Roy Moore’s campaign. She is totally a human woman who says totally normal human things like ‘congrats on your unborn baby who our political opponents want to kill’ which again, is definitely a thing that a human would say to another human. Nothing strange here.

I haven’t really written about the Roy Moore saga much because I’ve been having my own Michael Jordan flu game but instead of playing through an illness to win an NBA Title, I’ve just been sick in bed watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia before it’s taken off of Netflix this month. So yea, Michael Jordan and I are the same in so many ways.

But here’s a quick catch up: Roy Moore is running for the open Senate seat in Alabama which would be a knockout win for a Republican buuuut story after story of Roy Moore creeping on teenage girls has come out with no end.

One time, Roy Moore met a girl at a shopping mall and she was obviously creeped out by him because he was a full grown man and she didn’t have a driver’s license yet. She wouldn’t give him her phone number so naturally, Roy Moore called her high school and pulled her out of trigonometry class to ask her on a date.

There is about a bajillion more of these stories and Roy Moore is still being fully endorsed because politics is the worst thing ever. Plus, he has humans like Jane Porter, reminding women that their unborn babies will get murdered if they elect anyone but Roy More.

Vote Roy Moore or else your baby dies.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Jane Porter is without a doubt a human person. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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