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(Totally Not Crazy) Chick Invents ‘Bigfoot Juice’, a Spray That Attracts Bigfoot

The nation’s endless search for proof of Bigfoot’s existence may soon come to an end.

A North Carolina-based wife and mother has home brewed a spray that she says can attract any Bigfoot within a mile and a half.

Sold at $7 a bottle, the “environmentally friendly” Bigfoot Juice also doubles as a bug spray, said creator Allie Megan Webb, who runs Happy Body Care out of Marion. She created it sitting at her kitchen table.

Field tests have been done, she said, and they include a recent outing by the research group Bigfoot 911, in which a Bigfoot sighting was reported. It happened the first week of August, in the woods of McDowell County. The report made national news.

“I think that’s enough to say it can attract a Bigfoot,” says Webb. “To attract a Bigfoot, you need a smell that is woodsy enough to keep from scaring him off. But slightly different enough to make him curious, and come to investigate.”

(CharlotteObserver)

 

You have no idea how pissed I am that I’m sitting here writing lame ass articles all day while Allie Megan Webb is out here scamming her little heart out with ‘Bigfoot juice’. And you know for a fact that she’s selling bottle after bottle of this garbage like Bugs Bunny whipping out the ‘secret stuff’ at halftime against the Monstars. (Dumb) people in North Carolina are fighting over each other to get their hands on this shit.

Also real quick Shark Tank question, if you allow me to throw on my Mark Cuban hat for a second. But um, what is the benefit of attracting Bigfoot? Wouldn’t the market be better served with a Bigfoot repellent? Am I overthinking this or am I the only one thinking about this at all?

Again, shout out to Allie Megan Webb for scamming like there’s no tomorrow. Can’t. Knock. The. Hustle. Do your thing. $7 a bottle. Pay the woman.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you kinda want a bottle of this bigfoot juice. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

Written by TheLesterLee

TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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