Tony La Russa Is Going To Die But Go White Sox! Or Whatever

There is literally a toxin in the air we breathe that is murdering the elderly community at an alarming rate so naturally, the Chicago White Sox decided to hire 76-year old, Tony La Russa to manage their squad. Surely, nothing bad will happen there as Justin Turner is out here tongue kissing teammates and coughing in their eyes moments after finding out he’s tested positive for Covid.

He’s going to die but let’s talk about the actual baseball consequences of hiring a manager who was in charge of the club in the 70’s. If a company fired its CEO and hired a 76-year old to take over then they’d shut down faster than Quibi. Actually, I’m pretty sure that’s exactly what happened with Quibi. Go White Sox!

Clearly this season past season showed the glaring hole in making lineup and pitching changes exclusively based on analytics that do not factor in the pressures of the playoffs. The Yankees tried to be cute with a dumb pitching decision based on analytics and got lit up by the Rays. The Rays immediately paid it forward by taking Blake Snell out of Game 6 of the World Series after 5 innings because analytics said so. They lost. Duh.

By hiring Tony La Russa, Chicago has decided that they will be throwing analytics out of the window as there is no way this elderly man has strong enough glasses to read all the numbers that the front office would fax over to him. The clubhouse garbage cans are going to be overflowing with printed out spreadsheets that La Russa threw away moments after receiving.

Tony La Russa has already been inducted into the Hall of Fame. This isn’t a man that’s going to be looking to change the approach that got him into the Hall. Doesn’t matter that baseball has moved on from having star managers that yell at umpires for 11 minutes straight. La Russa doesn’t give a shit that starting pitchers statistically all struggle when they face the opposing batting lineup for the third time. Really hope Lucas Giolito is ready to throw 300 pitches on a random Wednesday in Detroit.

Oh, he’s also a ‘stand for the anthem‘ type racist so that’s a fun guy to bring back into a league that attempted to promote social justice this season. Surely, he and star shortstop Tim Anderson, will get along swimmingly. Players love going to work for their geriatric decaying racist boss.

Pencil the White Sox in the 2021 World Series. Also, Tony La Russa is going to die.


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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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