The New Batman V. Superman Trailer Has Me Very Erect

I think I’ve made it very clear that I’m skeptical of Batman V. Superman. DC’s desparate attempt to catch up to Marvel’s cinematic monopoly. They’re going from 0-to-Justice League reaaaal quick and I was concerned. As cool as I know I seem, I’m a huge DC fan. Superman is our Jesus. Batman is our….Batman. The first trailer that was released for this movie was average to be generous. Now watch this:


Hard. So hard. Nevermind about any doubts I had about this movie. Ben Affleck as Batman might work perfectly. He’s old and he’s pissed at Superman for you know, killing millions of people. Bruce Wayne is coming out of retirement to kill that crisp jawed alien. This is a Batman that has lost a Robin. A Batman that lost a Wayne building in Metropolis that killed “dozens” apparently. This is a Batman who wants revenge and demands satisfaction. Hopefully they keep a tally of all the people he murders in this film.

I love that Superman is a stone cold killer. Absolutely blood thirsty. Just brooding and being worshipped. That’s the real Superman. That’s my dude. Embracing being a murderous monster. There’s a clip in the trailer where Batman snaps a dudes neck. Snapping necks is sooo hot in the DC streets. How is Superman going to one up that? He’ll probably straight up rip someone’s arms out of their torso. Love homicide Superman. Need more.

Again , I know I’ve shit on Wonder Woman’s dumb new costume before but in this trailer she looked cool as shit. Keep everything dark and gloomy, DC. I want to walk away from this movie feeling like I just left a funeral. No jokes. No happiness. There better not be a single joke in this film. Not one. Just vicious gruesome massacres and grey filters, please.

I’m excited for this movie and I’m going to pretend like Jesse Eisenberg isn’t the worst Lex Luthor ever. Hopefully Lois Lane plays an extremely minor role in this movie. I think I’ve made it quite clear that I am not a Lois Lane. Also going to have to ignore the fact that Alfred Pennyworth looks maybe 8 years older than Bruce Wayne. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Also this comes out in 2016 so I should probably stop caring about this for at least another 9 months.


SEE ALSO: Video: The Problem With Batman’s Bats

SEE ALSO: Doomsday Joins The Cluster Fuck That Is Batman V. Superman


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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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