Elizabeth Banks rebooted Charlie’s Angels for *checks notes* no reason at all. Not only did she lazily attempt to revive a franchise that no one was asking for but she cast Kristen Stewart as her star.
Kristen Stewart, along with two other women I’ve legitimately never heard, joined forces this weekend to make a grand total of $8 million in the box office from a $48 million budget.
This movie didn’t stand a chance from the beginning. We are past the age of rebooting old properties and tricking dumb audiences to cash in all of their nostalgia coins for a movie that is almost always less than the original content.
There’s an Addams Family movie in theatres right this second. It has a 43% on rotten tomatoes, which technically doesn’t matter but my point is that filmmakers aren’t even trying to make these reboots good.
Not only are reboots dead but as I mentioned earlier, what the hell is good with this cast? Kristen Stewart does weird arthouse dramas. Why is she the star of this action movie about hot girls who kick ass in high heels?
Cameron Diaz. Drew Barrymore. Lucy Liu. That’s how you get people to see a movie that they didn’t realize they wanted to see. Stars, babyyyyy.
You know who’s not a star? Those two girls that aren’t the girl from Twilight and even the girl from Twilight isn’t really a star anymore.
This failure was imminent is my point. Elizabeth Banks made a shit movie and instead of just shrugging and taking her lumps like a champ, she pointed the finger and everyone and everything.
“You’ve had 37 Spider-Man movies and you’re not complaining!… I think women are allowed to have one or two action franchises every 17 years—I feel totally fine with that.”
“If this movie doesn’t make money it reinforces a stereotype in Hollywood that men don’t go see women do action movies.”
“They’ll go and see a comic book movie with Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel because that’s a male genre. So even though those are movies about women, they put them in the context of feeding the larger comic book world, so it’s all about, yes, you’re watching a Wonder Woman movie but we’re setting up three other characters or we’re setting up ‘Justice League.’”
That’s a lot of words from Lizzy Banks so let’s dissect this nonsense.
Okay, that’s harsh. It isn’t ‘nonsense’. Female action movies don’t get anywhere near as much acclaim as male ones do.
Look at Red Sparrow from last year. It made $151 million off a $69 million budget. Oh. But that doesn’t count because Jennifer Lawrence was the star so that’s cheat codes.
Look at Tomb Raider from last year. There’s a reboot no one asked for starring an actress no one really knows. What’s that? It made $247 million off a $100 million budget??
It’s almost as if Elizabeth Banks just made one of the worst movies ever will absolutely zero marketing attached to it and it flopped like bad movies tend to do.
Captain Marvel is apart of a very well oiled Marvel machine will 0% chance of failing and it attracted a male audience that wanted to see how her movie would connect to the rest of the MCU.
That is a totally valid point that sort of has nothing to do with Charlie’s Angels and I’m not sure many men or women would deny that fact.
But Wonder Woman was a solo film from a DC universe that had not yet fully formed (and probably won’t ever come close to forming). It was directed by a woman and it showed. Outside of a terrible dark gray smoky third act, Wonder Woman was a cinematic triumph.
Blaming superheroes for your own movie failing is so lame, Elizabeth. No one goes to the theatre anymore and superhero movies get asses in seats. Guess what people see in theatres: trailers. And not trailers on their little iPhone screens. Big ass imax trailers with full sound effects and shit.
If you make an action movie then isn’t that exactly what you want? Someone comes in to see Spider-Man: Far From Home and they get blasted with the Charlie’s Angels trailer.
Elizabeth Banks should be thanking Spider-Man. Not just because it helps get people back in the habit of seeing movies or because it plays trailers for her bad movies.
But because Elizabeth Banks WAS IN THREE SPIDER-MAN MOVIES.
As someone who is super spiteful and petty and has no idea how to handle failure, I won’t pretend like I can’t understand why Liz Banks would say these things after the movie she made brought back absolutely no money opening weekend.
Interview me after I write a Deadseriousness article that doesn’t get as many views as I expect. I’ll have some wild things to say about feminism and like, Jeffrey Epstein or whatever. Who knows what I’ll say.
Elizabeth Banks is one of the most underrated actresses in the game and we should all be rooting for her directing career to take off. There aren’t enough women behind the camera.
Just, ya know, get Kristen Stewart and her no name friends off the big screen. Also, bring back Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu.
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