cleveland cavaliers

The Cleveland Cavaliers Are So Bad At Basketball

The Indiana Pacers are up 1-0 against the Cleveland Cavaliers after a 98-80 BEAT DOWN against the defending Eastern Conference Champions. The Cavs went on a cute little run in the second half but at no point were they ever really in the game.

LeBron James had won 21 straight first-round playoff games before Lance Stephenson strolled into Quicken Loans Arena and blew LeBron out of the water. For everyone who expected LeBron would just level up and drag the Cavaliers to the Finals: How Sway?

The Cavs had an awful defense all year long so the strength of this team was its offense that averaged 110 points per game during the regular season. That fantastic offense put up a grand total of 80 points and LeBron was being locked down by Bojan Bogdanovic from Yugoslavia, a war-torn nation that literally doesn’t exist anymore.

Cavs GM, Koby Altman, was building his IKEA trophy case in preparation of receiving the Executive of the Year award because the world gassed this man up for flipping half the roster at the trade deadline and people reallyyy made it seem like Rodney Hood and Larry Nance Jr were going to win an NBA Title.

Jeff Green looked like he had never played basketball before but his friends invited him to the pickup game because he’s tall. It’s 2018 and Jeff Green is in the starting lineup of a totally healthy playoff team. What is happening? Green was 0-for-7 from the field with a solid 0 points in the boxscore. Good call, coach Lue.

The Cavs suuuuuck.

This entire team is the awful combination of scared of LeBron and scared of the playoffs. Everyone hesitated before shooting and they looked to give the ball to LeBron every chance they could while everyone on the Pacers were looking to attack, including Victor Oladipo who dropped 32 points on Cleveland’s head and was the best player on the floor all game long.

Victor Oladipo seeing Larry Nance prepare to guard him is my favorite moments of Game 1 as Oladipo charged up and hit that jumper in his face but yea, congrats again to Koby Altman for trading for Nance. What a steal.

Damn, the curse of the Kardashian’s is really giving the Cavs nightmares out here. Tristan Thompson was getting blown in a New York nightclub while Khloe was texting him ‘hey, where are you? Just a reminder: I’m 9 months pregnant and this baby is about to walk out of me. I hope you’re not fingering an Instagram model right now’.

The Cleveland Cavaliers stink.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think the Cavs are about to get swept on out of here. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

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