The Brangelina Divorce; What We Know

While the dissolution of Brangelina has caught us all off guard, allegations of cheating and abuse are rampant. While it is still too soon to tell, we have learned the following things.

No matter how hot you are, your significant other can still get sick of your shit. I’m not taking sides here. It could be Angie sick of Brad, or Brad sick of Angie. Either way, there is a lesson here for all us mortals.

We’re gonna be seeing so much of Brangelina on the magazines at the check out, it’s gonna feel like they’re both with us at Target.

If we thought this country was divided over the upcoming election, we should all be concerned about Team Brad vs Team Angie.

Speaking of the election, pretty sure every Halloween party you go to will not only feature a Clinton and Trump couple, but an Angelina and Brad couple as well. Both these couples will think they are highly original and will be no fun to hang out with. Unless Angie comes dressed as Tomb Raider, in which case I am interested. Very interested.

People seem to care what Jennifer Aniston thinks. Jennifer Aniston is probably thinking, “I’m surprised she put up with him this long.”

No one seems to care what Billy Bob Thornton thinks. Billy Bob Thornton is probably thinking, “I’m surprised he put up with her this long.”

There’s already three Lifetime Movies of the Week in production about their divorce. All three portray Brad as a callous asshole.

There’s gonna be an awful lot of Pitt’s friends tempted to cross the “bros before hoes” code.

Brad Pitt is being accused of child abuse. Yet no one gives shit to Angelina for the years of kitten abuse.

At this point, either would could successfully quarterback the Patriots in Week 4.



Thanks for reading. Tweet to @ifyouseekev for more Brangelina analysis. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here.


Written by Kevin McFadden

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