The Bachelor Recap: Is Alayah Here “FOR THE RIGHT REASONS”?!?!?

Last episode we had a dramatic battle between Kelsey and Hannah Ann over a spoiled bottle of generic champagne. It was all these women could talk about for two hours. I mean, the first ten minutes of this episode was dedicated to the aftermath of that entire “finasco”

Now that those two brave women solved their problems, The Bachelor needed a new villain.

Enter Alayah.

The former Miss Texas whose high-pitched “HIIII” greeting was met with eye rolls by the fellow contestants who believed she was a completely different human when the cameras were on which gave us our inevitable “are you here for the right reasons?” controversy that happens in every season that results in the Bachelor freaking out because he wants real love and doesn’t want to be hurt and blah blah.

Before I talk more about Alayah, we need to get into that narc, Sydney, who went out of her way to inform Peter that Alayah might not be a real person.

I have no idea what I would do if I was competing on this show but the ‘tell on other girls’ strategy probably wouldn’t be my go-to.

But in Syd’s defense, their dispute led to the best conversation in the episode.

Syd confronted Alayah one-on-one to find out what’s up with this girl starting with a haymaker “Do you work?”

Alayah returned volley with “I have three jobs. Do I work? *sarcastic laugh*”

Always good to be phony in the midst of an interrogation to determine whether or not you are phony.

Syd would receive a rose for ratting on Alayah and she and Peter seem to be bonding over her willingness to throw any girl under the bus to protect him(?) Genius move by Peter to keep Syd around as his little informant in the house. If you are not constantly talking about how much you want to cup Peter’s balls then Officer Sydney—wearing a wire—will tell on you.

This drama led to a very somber pool party the next day because Peter was confused and needed to find out for sure if Alayah was a fake person. Ya see, yesterday he reallyyyy wanted to bang her and now he’s not sure if they’re going to bang because she’s just easy or if she just wants to be popular. Who among us hasn’t dealt with these woes?

Peter would pull every girl aside and every girl was basically like “She suuuucks”

Last week I gave the editors of this show all of the credit in the world for that champagne popping scene. This week, the editors maintained their 100mph fastball into the 7th inning with this absolutely beauty:

“She changes her voice for the cameras”

*Alayah speaking normally before realizing there’s a camera on her* [highest voice octave possible] “HIIIIIIIIIIIIII”

Although Peter didn’t jump over a fence like Colton did on the last season of The Bachelor, he still ran away because his horny brain couldn’t fathom the idea that on a show totally full of former pageant queens all trying to continue their 15 minutes of fame, that one of those former pageant queens would be trying to continue their 15 minutes of fame.

SEEEEE YAAAA, Alayah. (until the next week).




Alayah will probably be back because ratings but if not, I will truly miss her facial expressions:






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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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