The Americans – Dead Hand: No One Loves Line Dancing More Than Phil Jennings

The final season of The Americans has finally arrived and I’m hyped. 6 years of watching Matthew Rhys and Keri Russell murder so many innocent people in cold blood while I cheer and sing the Soviet National Anthem has led to this moment.

Last season was garbage. FX gave the creators two final seasons so naturally, they used season 5 as a boring table setter to prepare for all the potential dope shit they plan on doing in season 6 to wrap this series up.

The dopest of that shit seems to be the apparent spy vs. spy, Mr. and Mrs. Smith-esque battle they set up in the premiere. After a happy 3-year retirement for Phil Jennings, he is hoisted back into action to spy on his wife, Elizabeth, as there are two competing Russian political factions and Phil and Elizabeth find themselves on opposite sides of the Soviet spectrum.

Sure, we can talk about Elizabeth running on zero sleep as she is working on what may be the biggest job since their original arrival to DC but nope, I want to talk about Phil Jennings and his extremely successful travel agency.

Did you see how many employees he has in that place? I’m pretty sure it was just Phil, his wife and like, a secretary and in three short years, he has managed to build an empire. If you want to go on a vacation, you call up Phil Jennings and he’ll take care of you.

That shot of Phil Jennings smiling ear to ear as he line dances in front of the largest American flag I’ve ever seen was more than a little on the nose but I am here for Phillip’s complete American turn. All he wants to do is watch his son play hockey and flirt with the hot hockey moms in the stands. Truly, the American dream.

But of course, Oleg is BACK (I guess we shouldn’t ask questions about his random wife and 1-year old son who we will without a doubt never see again and neither will he) and he’s presented Phillip with the task of having to spy on his wife who may or may not be actively and knowingly working against the leader of the Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev. Gorbachev is looking to work with Ronald Reagan to negotiate peace at an important arms summit that the series finale will ultimately run directly into.

Elizabeth and The Centre believe that a Russian arms deal with the United States would weaken their country and leave them vulnerable to American aggression while Oleg and people in Gorbachev’s corner seemingly just want to end the Cold War peacefully.

Spy. Vs. Spy. Go.

I’m ready for this ride. Season 6 is going to give me anxiety and I cannot wait to forget that season 5 existed.



Quick Dead Hand Notes:


  • That bedridden artist is great at painting or whatever but she’s kind of a dick, right? Why is she so upset that her nurse doesn’t appreciate her art. She’s a nurse. And not even a real one. She doesn’t give a shit about your charcoal sketches, babe.
  • I wanted/NEEDED to see that moment when Phillip dusted off the old wig and threw on the fake mustache for the first time in 3 years while a single tear sliding down his face as he unlaces his cowboy boots.
  • If Paige is fully aware that her father quit the spy game, then why would she continue training to become a spy. It would make sense if she believed that she didn’t have a choice and that’s just what her family does. They are Russian spies and they can’t have any other lives but Phil is a fucking travel agent now. Why isn’t Paige just studying Liberal Arts, adopting a new adderal addiction and making out with boys like every other undergrad?
  • I will NEVER grow tired of that disillusioned, tired and hopeless look on Keri Russell’s face whenever she has to sleep with a disgusting man to get intelligence for a mission. That’s the same face every girl I’ve ever slept with made after we humped. Am I a mark? Am I sleeping with spies? I’m going to tell myself yes.
  • Phil is a line dancing BEAST. Clear the dance floor if you ain’t bout that life. You might get embarrassed by Phillip out there, my guy.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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