This article is going to shit on the Miami Heat and the way the NBA media has been discussing their playoff success this season but it’s important for me to state off rip that I genuinely like every single player on this team. Goran Dragic is one of the my favorite players in the entire league. I want to hang out with Jimmy Butler and I want Tyler Herro to help me with my Tinder profile. Oh, and I want Udonis Haslem to hook me up with the weed gummies that almost killed Dion Waiters.
Ths team was not supposed to make it to the NBA Finals at the beginning of the season and here we are over a year later ready to watch them take on LeBron James and the Los Angeles Lakers. And the NBA media has completely failed at correctly framing their success without the most condescending and offputting celebration of team president, Pat Riley, for saving these adult men from squalor.
Jimmy Butler has had a fascinating career. He turned himself into the best player on the Chicago Bulls and the team was more loyal to Derrick Rose who was limping off busted knees and was in no way as good as Jimmy.
Then he went to Minnesota where he stuffed Karl-Anthony Towns in a locker and stole Andrew Wiggins’s lunch money on a regular basis. He led that team to the postseason when they had absolutely no business being in the postseason.
He was promptly launched to Philadelphia where once again, the front office chose someone else over him. Elton Brand, the worst GM in the sport, decided it made more sense to keep Tobias Harris than Jimmy Butler.
And when he was finally able to hit free agency and select where he wanted to play, he landed in the perfect spot to maximize his game. His personality that scared away KAT only fuels his teammates in Miami. His ability to playmaker and create with the ball in his hands work perfectly with spot out shooters like Tyler Herro and Duncan Robinson around him as opposed to Philadelphia where he was the only shooter on the squad.
But for some reason, instead of just being happy for him for finally finding the perfect home, we have given all of the credit to Pat Riley as we constantly list off the fact that he didn’t have a father and was homeless growing up.
He certainly overcame a lot in his childhood to get to where he is today but why are we acting like this season is the first that he’s ever played well. As if he is the Most Improved Player of the Year this season and shocked everyone with his development. We are acting like Pat Riley should be commended for finding this boy among a pack of wolves in the jungle that he adopted and taught how to dribble between his legs.
Jimmy Butler is a 5-time All-Star. He’s made 3 All-NBA teams. He’s won MVP votes in 2017 and 2018. I mean shit, Butler shot 24% from the 3-point line this year. He’s coming off literally one of his worst statistical seasons but man, this Heat ‘culture’ really saved him from a life of crime or some shit.
Bam Adebayo also didn’t have a father growing up. I shouldn’t know that. Do you want to know why I know that? Because he plays for the Heat and Pat Riley saved him.
Here is a super cute ESPN story about how the Heat just ran this kid to his grave until he finally stood up for himself except I think it’s supposed to be like, a good thing?
They ran Adebayo ragged: block-to-block sprints culminating in an attempt to reject a shot at the rim; lane agility tests; footwork drills. After an hour, with exhaustion setting in, Heat officials began the drill they were really there to see. They asked Adebayo to switch onto perimeter players, including Justin Jackson, another prospect in attendance, and stay in front of them.
Adebayo turned to Heat brass, including Riley and Spoelstra, and shouted: “Oh, you got me f—ing confused! You got me f—ed up!” Translation: Don’t you know who I am? As the stops — “kills” in Heat parlance — piled up, the trash talk flowed. “Oh, it was explicit,” Adebayo says. It was not friendly taunting. Adebayo was not smiling.
Juwan Howard, then a Miami assistant, locked eyes with Dan Craig, the coach running the drill. “Our eyes got wide,” Howard says. “We said, ‘This is a Heat guy.’ To have the balls to say that in front of Pat Riley — to say, ‘You’re not going to pick on me!’ — that’s a Heat guy.”
Heat Culture, babyyy.
The relationship between black NBA players and white head coaches has always been nausiating. The coaches are treated like masterminds for reigning in and controlling the black players raw athleticism, wild animal instincts and grizzly bear paws.
It’s even more noticeable when guys like Brad Stevens and Quinn Snyder are considered to be basketball geniuses who know the x’s and o’s inside out yet their black colleagues who have actually won championships like Doc Rivers and Ty Lue are just labeled as ‘player friendly’ coaches and that label is used as a criticism of their basketball IQ or apparent lack thereof.
This Miami Heat culture takes it to the next level where not only is Pat Riley for the team’s on the court success but he breastfed Bam Adebayo and bailed Jimmy Butler out of jail or whatever.
If you’re still reading this and you don’t feel comfortable about the race aspect 1. you’re a pussy and 2. fine, let’s talk about Duncan Robinson, the Heat’s 3-point specialist. We are drowned with this guy’s story about how he was undrafted and in the G-League and blah blah.
Jason Kapono won a 3-point contest for the Heat and no one talked us to death about his journey to the league. Every single team has a guy whose sole purpose is to hit 3’s but they don’t play for Pat Riley and have the Heat’s PR machine behind them. Do you know anything about Doug McDermott? Exactly.
BUT again, it’s impossible not to root for these Heat players, especially over the Lakers. We must do everything in our power to keep a championship ring out of Dwight Howard’s goofy closeted ass. Heat in 4.