Michael Jordan executive producing the documentary about Michael Jordan is hilarious. The Last Dance is a 10-hour doc about MJ’s life and the 98 winning their sixth championship and there was more footage of Jordan making fun of Scott Burrell then there was of his, ya know, FAMILY. Imagine sitting down and watching a 10-hour documentary about your father and Steve Kerr’s mom gets more screen time than you.
Anyway, my favorite parts of The Last Dance were the blatant lies. They were harmless lies that didn’t really matter which makes them even more hilarious. Michael Jordan is a straight up sociopath and I love it so much.
Here are the best lies from The Last Dance:
1. It wasn’t MJ’s idea to keep Isiah Thomas off the Dream Team
It is totally understandable that Michael hated the Detroit Pistons due to their playing style. If there was a team that just punched you in the dick for 40 minutes a night, you wouldn’t want to spend time with the leader of that team.
But I love that it’s very common knowledge that the sole reason that Isiah Thomas wasn’t on the Dream Team was because Jordan refused to play with him and that man really sat there and made it seem like it was a unanimous decision amongst the squad as if Larry Bird gave any shits at all.
If you don’t shake MJ’s hand after he beats you then he will erase you from NBA history.
2. Gary Payton didn’t defend him well
Michael Jordan reacting to Gary Payton is just… awesome. Love the competition. pic.twitter.com/hRzC3LbgAD
— Legion Hoops (@LegionHoops) May 11, 2020
Michael Jordan laughing at Gary Payton is one of the best moments of The Last Dance. Someone said they knew how to defend him and it was the funniest thing MJ had EVER heard. I just love his explanation was that he had ‘other things on his mind’ considering two episodes later they go out of their way to explain that Jordan was always present and in the moment and never distracted by anything.
MJ shot 5-for-19 in that Game 6 against the Sonics. I get the feeling Gary Payton was a factor. Also, I just love how the Indiana Pacers were the first team to take Michael to a Game 7 and The Last Dance simply skirted past that and all of sudden we’re back in Utah. Michael Jordan: Executive Producer.
3. LaBradford Smith
Now, MJ admitted in the doc that the LaBradford Smith story was a lie but just the existence of it is hilarious. This poor kid had a good game against Michael Jordan and that evil sociopath lied and said that Smith sarcastically told him ‘good game’ after as a reason to motivate himself to stuff LaBradford in a locker next time he saw him.
4. “I don’t have a gambling problem”
Michael Jordan wearing sunglasses inside saying he doesn't have a gambling problem: "it's a hobby" pic.twitter.com/Fqv19Eyxk1
— Rob Lopez (@r0bato) May 4, 2020
I-I enjoy it. Issa hobby.
5. Everyone on the Bulls did coke except him
The beginning of the doc casually revealed that the 80’s Bulls were known as the ‘traveling cocaine circus‘. But the best part was Jordan saying he walked in on them doing blow once and like, ran to his room with tears in his eyes and ripped open his bible.
Yes, always drunk Michael Jordan has never done coke. THAT’S where he draws the line. He has his named signed on checks to the sketchiest humans on Earth paying back gambling debts and he’s up all night long without needing sleep but nope, coke isn’t a thing for MJ. OOOOOOkay.
6. He didn’t push Bryon Russell
Stop the nonsense with this push off bs…
Bob Costas said it best:
“Russell was already stumbling away, that hand on his backside was the equivalent of a maître d' showing someone to their table”
— 🙌🏽 (@Clyde_Smith71) May 18, 2020
MJ’s game-winning shot over Bryon Russell might be the most famous moment in all of sports which means we’ve all seen the footage over and over again. Every single time you see the footage, it is quite clear that Michael Jordan shoved Russell’s ass to the hardwood.
Now, that doesn’t mean it should’ve been an offensive foul and the refs definitely are supposed to swallow their whistle at that point in the game but Michael sitting there saying that Russell’s ‘energy’ was carrying him to the ground is hilarious. This maniac started listing of Isaac Newton’s laws of gravity to explain him pushing that guy into the dirt.
7. He was poisoned
We all know this didn’t happen, right? Like, this was easily the most blatant lie. It’s interesting how we’ve heard so many stories over the years about Michael’s legendary late nights yet this doc went out of its way to make it seem like MJ was tucked in bed by 8pm every night.
Michael Jordan’s ‘flu game’ wasn’t the flu and it certainly wasn’t food poisoning from the local Salt Lake City pizzeria. My man was hungover as hell after a long night of punishing his liver and on top of that, this asshole also happened to order a pizza and eat every slice in front of his starving friends.
Are we to believe that he called up a pizza place and was like ‘Hey, it’s me. Michael Jordan here ordering a pizza. I know I play the Jazz tomorrow but no funny business with this pizza please. Again, it is the most famous man on the planet, Michael Jordan, thanks’.
Michael Jordan is a yellow-eyed alcoholic liar and THAT’S MY GOAT. LeBron could never.