Ted Cruz and Donald Trump are throwing haymakers at each other right now. It’s amazing. I have no idea what any of their policies are but I know who’s wife is hotter. This is the most exciting election ever and boring ass Ted Cruz just became the most interesting man in the field.
[su_quote cite=”Gawker” url=”http://gawker.com/national-enquirer-ted-cruz-has-had-at-least-5-extramar-1767002606″]“Private detectives are digging into at least five affairs Ted Cruz supposedly had,” claimed a Washington insider. “The leaked details are an attempt to destroy what’s left of his White House campaign!” The ENQUIRER reports that Cruz’s claimed mistresses include a foxy political consultant and a high-placed D.C. attorney![/su_quote]
Ted Cruz, you dirty dog. Just when I thought you were a soft-dicked feminine-physiqued day-to-day loser, you stepped up to prove that you’re the fucking man. High fives to Cruz. Eat up.
Don’t get me wrong, once you get married, you kind of have to stop banging other people. Your dick swinging days are behind you. Unless you’re running for president in which case the more women you sleep with on the campaign trail, the more respect you gain.
Here’s the thing, I need my president to be both desirable and persuasive. I don’t want a president who isn’t swimming in chicks. Obama’s DM’s are probably stuffed with tit pics. He can’t refresh his phone without seeing a vag.
I reallyyyy hope Ted Cruz had an affair with 5 different chicks. I don’t care whether or not Donald Trump wins but I at least want it to be competitive. Knowing that Cruz is out there being a pussy hound just made him the number one candidate in my eyes.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you banged Ted Cruz.