The New York Mets and the New York Yankees are battling this weekend in what may be their biggest series ever. There is so much riding on these games. A sweep by one of these teams would solidify a playoff spot for the winning team and lead to a gigantic September collapse by the losing team. Here’s a complete position-by-position deconstruction of this matchup. Also, if you’ve ever spent more than 15 seconds with me, then you know I’m a total Yankees homer and this entire article is going to be incredibly bias.
Greg Bird > Lucas Duda
Greg Bird is the rookie phenom replacing Mark Teixeira after he casually broke his leg last month. Greg Bird has made me forget who Teixeira even is. I had to Google to see who the former first baseman was before Bird.
Lucas Duda is cool, or whatever, and can punch balls out of the park, but I’d take the muppet-faced Greg Bird 10 times out of 10.
Stephen Drew > Daniel Murphy
Do I even have to explain this one? Stephen Drew, the GAWD. Daniel Murphy, the most forgettable man in baseball. Stephen Drew is the best fielder in the league. The best hitter. He’s a superstar. He’s a mega star. He just… is. Stephen Drew is an MVP. Stephen Drew > everyone else.
Chase Headley > David Wright
Chase Headley came to the Yankees to replace A-Rod at third base, and he’s transcended the position. Re-defined the meaning of third base. Clutch on clutch on clutch.
David Wright is the captain and, you know, always hits 30 home runs and gets 100 RBI’s but lives on the disabled list. Bones of glass. I need my guys healthy. Chase doesn’t miss a game.
Didi Gregorius > Wilmer Flores
Didi Gregorius makes Derek Jeter look like Wilmer Flores. Yup. Just let that sentence sink in.
Jacoby Ellsbury > Michael Conforto
I’m not going to pretend to know anything about Conforto. No idea who that is. Just please continue reading.
Brett Gardner > Yoenis Cespedes
Brett Gardner is the fastest player in MLB, and he’s balding in such a specific way that it’s hard to choose any other player over him. Plus, you have to love seeing him strike out but still yell at the umpire like it’s the umpire’s fault that he just swung through a 88 MPH fastball.
A lot of talk about Cespedes winning the NL MVP… That just shows how weak the National League is. He wouldn’t even be in the Top 20 in MVP votes if he stayed in the AL. Overrated.
Carlos Beltran > Curtis Granderson
Fuck Granderson. He did nothing wearing pinstripes but strike out 10 times per game. I will never say Granderson is better than anyone until he draws one walk. Bum.
Yankees > Mets
Yes, the Mets have a great starting rotation. Matt Harvey, Noah Syndergaard, Big Sexy Bartolo Colon. They’re stacked, for sure. But the Yankees statistically have the best bullpen in the American League. Who cares that the Yankees’ starting pitchers are bags of trash? Their relief pitchers are all little one inning Cy Youngs.
Alex fucking Rodriguez. Yes, this series is taking place in Citifield which means that A-Rod won’t be in the starting lineup. He’s waiting in the dugout, just thinking about smashing home runs. That’s ALL he thinks about. He eat, sleeps, and breathes 425-foot long balls. The longer you keep the tiger in the cage, the more damage he’ll do when he’s finally unleashed.
Edited by Morgan Mandriota.