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Some Guy Tried To Straight Up Kidnap Lana Del Rey

A Florida man was arrested outside of Lana Del Rey’s Orlando concert on Friday night after receiving a tip that he had made threats to kidnap the singer. According to the Orlando Sentinel, police determined that Michael Shawn Hunt had made a “credible threat” to kidnap Del Rey on Facebook and faced charges of “attempted kidnapping with a weapon and aggravated stalking.”



This is probably a big deal and we should be glad that the police were vigilant and didn’t allow this kidnapping to happen and blah blah but like, how great of a story would it have been if Lana Del Rey was kidnapped?

Am I allowed to say that I wish this woman was kidnapped? I mean, I totally would’ve been rooting for the police to quickly find her in this guy’s attic or whatever but like, it’s a pretty slow news day right now. Imagine how lit the news cycle would be if a white van scooped Lana off the streets in broad daylight.

I have no opinions on Lana’s music but I’d like to take this opportunity to remind everyone of the REAL conspiracy that Lana Del Rey is a plant by the music industry and she’s a human experiment. She was a no-name singer going nowhere and then a record label reconstructed her face and rebranded her as this Indie darling sad-girl moody machine. Stay woke.

Also, this should be a lesson for all musical artists. Don’t have shows in Orlando. You may or may not wake up in someone’s trunk. But seriously, how exciting would it have been if Lana Del Rey was actually kidnapped though. This was a reaaaal missed opportunity. Next time, hopefully.






Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you kind of wish that Lana Del Rey was kidnapped. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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