The Seven Deadly Sins of the Disney Princesses

 

The Seven Deadly Sins of the Disney Princesses

Every Disney princess represents the 7 deadly sins. It was all apart of Walt Disney’s master plan to destroy the youth…or whatever

Vanity

belle

Belle

When you go by the name of “beauty” it’s pretty easy to point out your vanity issues. The story could have been called Belle and the Beast and literally nothing would be altered. But nope, this conceited bitch needs attention. Leading on Gaston and Beast just fishing for compliments. Belle, be more vain. You can’t.

Envy

the little mermaid

Ariel

“Waaaah I wish I could walk waaaah!” Fun fact: Ariel’s mermaid fin thing was originally blue but grew green because she’s such an envious little brat. Living in the ocean is dope. Appreciate it. There’s colorful fish and everyone sings amazing songs and oh yea, your dad is the KING OF THE OCEAN. The grass is 100% greener on your side, princess.

Gluttony

snow white

Snow White

This pale bitch goes out of her way to eat food. Whether she’s stealing from midgets or taking produce from random strangers, she can’t not eat. Which is crazy because she’s so unbelievably pale and clearly suffering from malnutrition. Snow White sneaky might not have had an actual meal until she met the dwarfs. What a shame, her first Apple killed her.

Greed

Jasmine

Jasmine

I don’t want to say Jasmine was greedy buttttt I don’t think there was a single scene in Aladdin where she want standing in front of a pile of gold. She may or may not have some sort of Midas touch. Literally brought Aladdin from rags to riches via eye contact.

Wrath

mulan

Mulan

I mean Mulan straight up fought in a war. That’s like textbook wrath. Are we supposed to pretend like she wasn’t fully intending to murder Huns if she didn’t have a stupid vagina getting in her way.

Lust

cinderella

Cinderella

I don’t really want to delve too deep into my Cinderella theories but I’d like to believe that there was no “magic” or “fairy godmother”. Young Cinderella rubbed some Molly on her gums, went to the ball and dryhumped some random dude until midnight when the drugs wore off.

Sloth

sleeping beauty

Aurora

Sleeping Beauty, you sleepy bitch. There was a dragon and evil witches and magic and shit but nope. You were too busy being a sleepy bitch.




Fuck. Marry. Kill: Disney Princesses



 

Deadseriousness

Written by Deadseriousness

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