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It’s over. It’s finally over. The Sonny Gray Era has officially ended in the Bronx as the New York Yankees have shipped his malfunctioning ass to Ohio. Free at last, free at last.

Last season, Sonny Gray had a 4.90 ERA which was the highest on the roster and a 1.50 WHIP which is awful. He was so terrible that it got to the point where every time the ball left his hand, you knew it was going to softly cruise down the middle of the plate and the batter was going to swat it into the outfield. He was a human tee. Just underhanding beach balls out there.

In 2017, the Yankees acquired a pitcher that finished 3rd in the Cy Young voting just two seasons earlier. He was an All Star in 2015 and had the third highest WAR among pitchers. He had two complete game shutouts that season. Sonny Gray was one of the best pitchers in baseball.

Then he put on pinstripes and forgot how to hold a baseball.

But what makes this trade with the Cincinnati Reds even more amazing outside of the fact that they’re trading a guy whose arm has completely run out of the mythological pitching intangible we call ‘stuff’ but the Yankees got back a TOP 10 prospect from the Reds.

Brian Cashman has dirt on every other MLB general manager. I’m convinced.

Shed Long is a 22-year old second baseman and I will restrain myself from praising him exclusively based off his name. I’ve been wrong before. Fucking Sonny Gray. What a waste of a great baseball card name.

Here’s the scouting report on my new friend, Shed:

“Long’s left-handed bat is his calling card. Despite his 5-foot-8 frame, Long has shown the ability to consistently impact the baseball. The power is legitimate, coming from outstanding bat speed and very quick hands. He does strike out some, but his walk rate went up in 2017 and he’s shown a willingness to use all fields. Possessing average speed at best, Long is an aggressive baserunner who swiped 21 bases in 2016, though that number decreased to nine in 2017. A catcher when he first began his pro career, he moved to second in 2015, allowing his bat to take off, and he’s worked to become an adequate defensive infielder.”

Oh, the Yankees also got a draft pick that will most likely be the 36th pick which again, is a heist. The Yankees may be pretending like they’re too poor to sign Harper or Machado, but Cashman is still tirelessly to not only get rid of Sonny Gray but get better assets in return.

Not all heroes wear capes.

But I also want to quickly give a round of applause to the Reds for making actual moves this offseason. For a team that has done nothing but lose for the past few seasons, they could’ve tried to unload Joey Votto and cut salary but instead, they went out and traded for Matt Kemp, Yasiel Puig, Alex Wood and Sonny Gray.

I respect the hell out of Cincinnati for going for it this upcoming season. The Cubs should have a bounce back year. The Cardinals acquired Paul Goldschmidt. The Brewers are bringing back that nasty bullpen. The Pirates are also a baseball team. The NL Central should be interesting next season.

But let us all celebrate how much better the Yankees will be without Sonny Gray going out there and automatically losing every start. Addition by subtraction. I’m sure Sonny is a nice guy or whatever and has like good hygiene and says please and thank you and shit but like…





Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Sonny Gray is probably like, a nice guy or whatever. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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