— The Associated Press (@AP) December 13, 2017
Well, the Roy Moore saga has finally come to a close. He may now ride off into that Alabama sunset and get back to doing what he does best: prey on little girls. Imagine if he won the Senate position. Moore would have no time to ask girls out to their senior prom. Now, he is without a doubt buying a tux for the event this summer.
Unfortunately, Moore can’t go to his favorite mall because he was banned in the 80’s for trying to hump every teenage girl after their parents dropped them off. Shout out to Roy for going so hard that Paul Blart has to keep an eye out for him.
I assume as I write this, Moore is flipping through last year’s yearbook at the sophomore class to see which juniors need a ride to their after-school jobs.
But again, do not feel bad for Roy Moore losing to Doug Jones, barely. He is back on the Alabama streets waiting in the high school parking lot in a denim jacket and whistling at teenage girls and saying that he can beat their boyfriends in an arm wrestling match. He’s in his natural element.
Pray for Alabama teens.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Roy Moore is posted up outside of a high school right now. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.