Guy Caught Fapping in a Public Park, Blames Groundhog


Police say they were sent to that location after someone reported a man was engaging in a sex act by himself in the bushes. When officers arrived, they say the suspect, 53-year-old Robert McCoy, drove away on a moped. He was later seen driving westbound on a walking trail.

According to a woman, who was one of the alleged victims, McCoy was following her and others, watching them playing in the park and making motions consistent with a sex act. When the woman turned to face him, she says McCoy’s pants were down and his private area was exposed.

When police confronted McCoy about the allegations, he said he had an explanation, according to the arrest report. Police say he told them he was urinating, when his pants fell down. That’s when, he said, he was surprised by a groundhog which caused him to expose himself.


Don’t you hate it when you head to the local park to pee and all of a sudden a groundhog startles you and your pants fall to your ankles? Ugh, it’s the worst. Robert McCoy was minding his own business in the bushes when this narc ratted on him for having his dick out as if she didn’t see that groundhog running around causing trouble.

This is a classic case of he said/she said. He says he was peeing and a wild animal pulled his pants down and she said he was following her and fapping his brains out. Who do you believe? We all saw Caddyshack. We know groundhogs love nothing more than mischief.

Free Robert McCoy. Arrest that groundhog.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Robert McCoy was fapping to this groundhog. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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