raymond reasoner

Missing Father and 2 Children Found…On Vacation

Raymond Reasoner III, 40, his daughter Raegan, 1, and son Raymond IV, 3, were all reported missing from a home on Church Street in the Blackwood section of the township Monday afternoon. Authorities originally said they had concerns for their safety.

Gloucester Township police said in a release Tuesday night that Reasoner and his children were out of the state when they were found. Police said the children were safe and no charges will be filed.

Reasoner’s niece, Samantha Reasoner, said Wednesday that Reasoner apparently decided to take a vacation with his children. But he failed to tell the people he lives with, his uncle and two nieces, so they were worried when he disappeared.



Phew. That was close. This family of three was for sure stuffed in the trunk of some sickos SUV. Fortunately, they were just chillin at the lake house. Investigation over. I can’t not imagine Chief Wiggum proudly patting himself on the back for getting to the bottom of this kidnapping.

Can’t really let Raymond Reasoner off the hook here though. Kind of a dick move to pick up your children and dip out without at the very least leaving a note. You also have to ask if this family has cell phones because this all easily could’ve been avoided with a simple text. “Hey, you missing?”

I’m pretty sure this is the pilot episode of Ozark. Raymond Reasoner owes the cartel a few million dollars and now he has to head to the Missouri River and buy a strip club and a church to wash some cash. Chaos ensues, stay tuned.




Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Raymond Reasoner is probably a dick. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Creator and King of Deadseriousness. Writer of all things pop culture. Jerk.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk to the king directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.


Millennials Are Killing Applebee’s

robert mccoy

Guy Caught Fapping in a Public Park, Blames Groundhog