John Wick is the best trilogy of all time and no one can tell me otherwise. No movie franchise has done a better job at turning a simple revenge plot into an expansive world like John Wick did.
Also, no movie franchise has been a bigger alley to animal rights. But with such an expansive world comes a profusion of characters so let’s rank them arbitrarily.
(Also, if you haven’t seen John Wick 3 yet then yea, maaaad spoilers coming).
20. Mrs. Wick. The reason that John was out of the business to begin with. The woman behind the Baba Yaga and the mother of Tom Brady’s first child. Long Live Mrs. Wick.
19. Daisy. How do you kill a man’s puppy? Yo, Theon Greyjoy really is a piece of shit.
18. Sofia. Sofia has some sort of history with John in which she now owes him a massive favor. She would’ve been a super fun character had she not been Halle Berry but that’s a conversation for a different day.
17. Santino D’Antonio. Is there a dumber plan than what Santino D’Antonio had? Use John’s marker to force John to kill his sister so that he could get a seat at the High Table knowing damn well that John was going to immediately come after him.
16. Francis. One of the only people that John Wick actually allowed to live. If he respects Francis that we all must show this man that same respect.
15. Ares. The build-up of Ares in John Wick 2 was dope as hell. She was the only assassin we’d met that was actually cool and under control. Making her mute was a genius move to throw in more of those stylized captions for her sign language.
Anddd then Ares fought John Wick at the end and got bodied in seconds. It wasn’t a close fight at all. Awesome.
14. Zero. Personally, I found Zero suuuper lame but in an attempt to be somewhat objective, I’ll throw him on this list. The comedy in these movies is subtle.
Zero acting as if he’s in a slapstick comedy movie cracking jokes was a strange tone shift that took me out of the reality of the John Wick Universe. Be he was a good fighter or whatever.
13. Ms. Perkins. Ms. Perkins’s story was a tragic tale of how greed and American capitalism brings out humanities worst characteristics. The ruling class play games with our lives and we, the hungry, must transform into animals in order to satisfy our basis needs. Cash. Rules. Everything. Around. Me. Texas Forever.
12. The Director. This has a lot to do with the return of Anjelica Huston to the big screen but the implication that this woman created John Wick is worth a top ranking.
11. Cassian. The only man who went head to head with Wick and truly held his own. John Wick 2 was two hours long and an hour of that was Cassian and Wick punching each other in the mouth.
10. Viggo Tarasov. The OG foe of John Wick. What makes Viggo the most interesting protagonist of this series is that he knew damn well that John Wick was the devil and reluctantly fought him to protect his bitch ass son, Theon.
Whether it’s Santino D’Antonio or Ares or The Adjudicator, everyone keeps challenging Wick as if he won’t shoot a hole through their faces without blinking. Viggo understood the threat completely and seemed ready to die from the beginning.
9. The Doctor. Every underground assassin needs a close personal relationship with the man who pulls bullets out of their collarbone.
8. Jimmy. There is no more iconic line in this franchise then Jimmy’s extremely timid ‘so uh…you workin’ again?’. Damn, the more I think about it, the more I want to put Jimmy No. 1 on this list.
7. John Wick’s new dog. Suuuuuch a good boy.
6. Aurelio. John’s relationship with his car is fascinating but what’s even more fascinating is his relationship with his car mechanic. I want/need to know how these two became friends and what they talk about. The Mets?
5. Bowery King. Lawrence Fishbourne is coked out of his mind on set and it’s a must-watch performance.
Part of me thinks he didn’t even read the script. He watched the first John Wick movie, read his character description, showed up for 8 hours of shooting MAX, and walked out with a half bag of coke and a huge direct deposit. SOOOOOMEBODY GET. THIS. MAN. A. GUUUUUUN.
4. Marcus. We wouldn’t have made it to John Wick 3 if it weren’t for Marcus watching John’s back in the first movie.
I love these movies so it hurts to poke holes but yea, after John Wick murders all of Viggo Tarasov’s men, Viggo finally captures Wick and instead of just putting a bullet in his brain, his ties him to a chair and is like, mean to him, which gives Marcus ample time to come save the day. I like to pretend like that didn’t happen sometimes.
3. Charon. The ultimate dog sitter. He’s out here responding to every Craigslist dog walking ad. (Would’ve loved to only have him as the super composed concierge and not sweating holding rifles but as I’ve made clear, I had thoughts about John Wick 3).
2. John Wick. I mean, duh. First of all, shout out to John Wick for being the only assassin in seemingly a world full of assassins, to purchase a bulletproof suit.
He’s also the only one who is aware that he should be aiming for headshots. Seriously, who trained these people?
Yes, he’s an expert marksman but you really see what this man is capable of in John Wick 2 when he spends the entire movie being hunted by the hundreds upon hundreds of assassins that apparently are just casually walking around Manhattan all day.
WITH A PENCIL.
- Winston. Ian McShane is the master of the soliloquy and in these John Wick movies, he gets to just pontificate. While everyone’s shooting everyone in the face, Winston chills at his hotel pulling the puppet strings.
The only man who calls John ‘Jonathan’ for no reason. The man who somehow manipulated John Wick into believing their friendship was more valuable to him than the Continental. Spoiler: It was not.
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