Everyone is talking about duos now biggest it’s the offseason and we have nothing else to talk about. The days of the Big 3 are over. It’s all about tandems and 1-2 combos.
Let’s power rank every duo in the NBA:
30. Kevin Durant & Kyrie Irving. These bums. Last time we saw Kyrie Irving, he shot 6-for-21 and carried the Boston Celtics on his back…directly out of the playoffs while Kevin Durant’s achilles slapped the hardwood like a (white) Duke perimeter defender. 0-82 confirmed.
29. Darius Garland & Collin Sexton. Cleveland put together a backcourt reminiscent of Portland’s except neither player can shoot or play defense.
28. Terry Rozier & Malik Monk. BAHAHAHAHAH at the Hornets.
27. Kyle Lowry & Marc Gasol. Kawhi Leonard gone. Demar DeRozan gone. Kyle Lowry SZN.
26. Lauri Markanen & Wendell Carter. Zach Lavine stinks so I won’t consider him in the Bulls Top Duo. I also don’t think Lauri and Wendell have done enough to prove they’re, um, good.
25. Nikola Vucevic & Aaron Gordon. Vucevic made one All-Star team and stole a max contract from Orlando. Aaron Gordon does Karl Malone’s signature dunk twice a season. That is all I have to say about these two players.
24. Chris Paul & Steven Adams. Chris Paul seems unbearable to play basketball with so hopefully he stays in OKC for the remainder of his career, tanks the franchise and forces them to move back to Seattle.
23. Trae Young & John Collins. The Hawks drafted DeAndre Hunter and Scam Reddish but John Collins is quietly one of the budding stars in this league. I guess Trae is also a budding star or whatever.
22. Karl Anthony Towns & Andrew Wiggins. Man, Andrew Wiggins STINKS. KAT should be at the top of this list. He’s that dominant. And his second best player is Andrew Wiggins. Pray for that man.
21. Ja Morant & Jaren Jackson Jr. I’m not ready to anoint Ja Morant as a good player yet considering how long it’s taken point guards in the past to fully develop into productive starters.
20. Blake Griffin & Derrick Rose. Someone save Blake Griffin from Detroit. They’re trying to kill this man. Derrick Rose is going to throw an awkward alley-oop up to Blake and he’s going to break both his legs trying to catch it.
19. Brad Beal & Isaiah Thomas. Remember when John Wall and Bradley Beal were about to run the Eastern Conference? Yea, neither do I.
18. Zion Williamson & Brandon Ingram. A year from now when Zion wins MVP and leads the Pelicans to a title after losing zero playoffs games this low ranking is going to look funny but until then, let’s see if Brandon Ingram is healthy enough to continue his NBA career.
17. De’Aaron Fox & Buddy Hield. Marvin Bagley was going to be Fox’s partner in crime here until I remembered that Buddy Hield dropped 20 points a game last season and in a world of ‘positionless’ basketball where shooting guards don’t really exist anymore, Buddy Hield is a Top 5 shooting guard in the NBA which is WILD.
16. Victor Oladipo & Myles Turner. Myles Turner very quietly led the NBA in blocks out of nowhere. Perhaps this is presumptuous considering the explosive knee injury but Oladipo has gotten every single season. He might fuck around and become an MVP candidate.
15. Kemba Walker & Jayson Tatum. There’s a 60% chance that Jayson Tatum spent one summer with Kobe Bryant and now can’t play basketball. Kemba’s going to have his annual 50 point game and the Celtics will be fine or whatever.
14. Giannis & Khris Middleton. This is mostly just me saying Giannis is a monster and whoever the second best player is doesn’t really matter. He seems to like Khris Middleton, for what it’s worth.
13. DeMar DeRozan & LaMarcus Aldrige. I’m recognizing in real-time that I put these two way too high on this list. The Spurs will most likely miss the playoffs but man, these two are about to lead the league in contested midrange turn around jumpers. 20 points a game for each. 40-44.
12. Devin Booker & DeAndre Ayton. Speaking of too high on this list, the hell did DeAndre Ayton do to be considered this good? Writing tip: sit down and finish writing what you start all in one day. Don’t walk away for a week and then come back because you won’t understand the mindset you were in when your original wrote your nonsense.
11. Luka Doncic & Kristaps Porzingis. This is going to be an exciting duo for 20 games before Kristaps lands on an ankle and his left leg snaps in 4 places.
10. RJ Barrett & Julius Randle. Had to sneak my squad into the Top 10. Had to. Couldn’t not. Knicks in 4.
9. Jimmy Butler & Dion Waiters. Welcome to Waiters Island, Jimmy. We’re happy to have you. Although Dion has been suffering from injuries recently, there is still no one I’d rather have with the ball in their hands with the shot clock down to 1 second (while the team is down by 50 points).
8. Mike Conley & Donovan Mitchell. Mike Conley was created in a lab to be the perfect point guard. Donovan Mitchell is an NBA 2K player trying to get shots up to earn VC to purchase new skills and sneakers. *Alexa, play the Odd Couple theme song*
7. Damian Lillard & CJ McCollum. Damian Lillard is about to be the star of the Team USA FIBA World Cup team. He’s for sure bringing that same energy to the regular season and walking out with an MVP award. CJ can come too.
6. Nikola Jokic & Jamal Murray. Jamal Murray just secured the most insane bag in NBA history for a guy who has done zero things in the NBA. Dear all parents, if you are sending your kid out to football practice instead of the gym to work on their jump shots, you deserve your kids taken from you.
5. Steph Curry & Klay Thompson
No other duo on this list has a nickname. No one is calling Durant and Kyrie the ‘Splash Brothers’. These two have been in the Finals for four straight years. Blake Griffin and Derrick Rose won’t even exchange phone numbers this season.
Klay Thompson doesn’t have a knee, which could be a problem going forward so let’s substitute D’Angelo Russell in the meantime.
4. LeBron James & Anthony Davis
Anthony Davis just got adopted to the James family.
3. Ben Simmons & Joel Embiid
Joel Embiid fully healthy is the most unstoppable player in the Eastern Conference. Last season, he was putting up Shaquille O’Neal level statistics. The only man who ever stopped him was Al Horford, who is now his frontcourt mate.
If Ben Simmons shows up with a jumper, Pray For The NBA. Those are two potential MVP candidates.
2. James Harden & Russell Westbrook
James Harden and Russell Westbrook have led the league in usage rate and turnovers the last couple of seasons. There are no players in the league who have the ball in their hands more frequently than they do.
This duo is going to be the most ridiculous thing we’ve ever seen in NBA history. Westbrook might literally block one of Harden’s step back 3’s if/when he gets annoyed that Harden won’t pass the ball back to him.
1. Kawhi Leonard & Paul George
The NBA Finals MVP and a Top 3 MVP finalist team up in Los Angeles. Annihilation.
- History Will Not Remember Aubrey Huff
- In Defense of the Totally Sane Woman Who Is Suing Brett Gardner Because He Won’t Let Her Bang Him
- Steph Curry Is Going To Hurt Himself
- Mike Bloomberg is a Cunt
- NBA Needs To Ban Kyle Lowry From All-Star Games