Please Lord, Give Kirk Cousins Coronavirus

Kirk Cousins is the biggest dweeb in the NFL. He’s a straight up loser both personality wise and on the football field. And in a recent interview, Cousins revealed that he’s a face mask truther and doesn’t believe wearing one prevents people from catching Coronavirus.

Brandt asked, “If 1 is the person who says, ‘Masks are stupid, you’re all a bunch of lemmings’ and 10 is, ‘I’m not leaving my master bathroom for the next 10 years,’ where do you land?”

After a chuckle, Cousins responded, “I’m not gonna call anybody stupid, for the trouble it would get me in. But I’m about a .000001.”

Brandt followed up with, “Really, how come?”

Cousins replied, “I want to respect what other people’s concerns are. For me personally, just talking no one else can get the virus, what is your concern if you could get it, I would say I’m gonna go about my daily life. If I get it, I’m gonna ride it out. I’m gonna let nature do its course. Survival-of-the-fittest kind of approach. And just say, if it knocks me out, it knocks me out. I’m going to be OK. You know, even if I die. If I die, I die. I kind of have peace about that.

Suddenly with a global plague that has taken the lives of hundreds of thousands of people out of nowhere, people like Kirk Cousins want to become philosophers who believe in natural selection and just letting life happen.

It’s 2020. We are literally living in the future. We have medicine and science and technology. We have vaccines that prevent you from getting polio and measles. Diseases that used to wipe out generations have been completely removed from society.

But because scientists and doctors couldn’t discover a vaccine quick enough during a national quarantine now idiots like Kirk Cousins are like ‘let survival of the fittest run its course’. Cool. So then let’s not ever use medicine at all. Let’s remove doctors entirely. Whatever happens to our bodies well it’s just meant to be. Why try to prevent anything.

I want all of these assholes who are so carefree about a virus that is KILLING people to wake up tomorrow morning and have to deal with the consequences of their dismissiveness.

Also worth noting that Kirk Cousins is obsessed with his own mortality and death.

Here is Kirk’s uh, rock tube, where he takes a rock out every month to signify that he’s one step closer to death. What a totally normal and super cool person to be around and talk to.

I am SHOCKED that he hasn’t been able to carry the Minnesota Vikings to the Super Bowl. He must be so inspiring in the huddle when the game is on the line and he looks directly into Adam Thielen’s eyes and says “we’re all crawling closer to death one second at a time. Tomorrow doesn’t exist”.

Everyone just wear a mask and shut the fuck up. Kirk Cousins wants to be dead soooo badly. Someone please cough in his open mouth and free him from this prison.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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