Playoff Kyle Lowry is the Worst Player in the NBA

The Orlando Magic stunned the Toronto Raptors in their city thanks to a DJ Augustin buzzer-beater at the end of the 4th quarter. An absolute DAGGER in Drake’s hometown.

DJ Augustin dropped 25 points on Toronto’s dome which no one on Earth saw coming. It looks even more impressive when you look at the other side of the court and check out Kyle Lowry’s box score.

Kyle Lowry had 8 assists and 7 rebounds. He was a team-high +11. That’s mega cute. Aw.

None of that shit matters when you score zero points. Those are Frank Ntilikina stat lines. *squints* is that…is that Nicolas Batum?? You cannot be a perennial all-star in the regular season and then once the games start to matter, you ghost like every girl I’ve ever opened up to emotionally as they sit there thinking ‘uh, this is the first date. You don’t even know my last name’.

Last season in a Game 4 that would’ve prevented the Raptors from getting swept by LeBron James, Kyle Lowry scored 5 points. 5 points.

Season on the line. Everything you worked for all year long was on the line. Lowry took 7 shots. He made two of them. He went home and watched the Eastern Conference Finals with the rest of us. He scored 5 more points than I did.

Don’t be shocked if/when the Orlando Magic sweep the Raptors and Kawhi Leonard walks off the court Game 4 directly into an Uber heading towards a meeting with the Los Angeles Clippers with a contract ready to sign and Kyle Lowry takes his zero points in the corner of the locker room to Facetime DeMar DeRozan who ignores him because DeRozan is playing with guys who step up in the postseason instead of shrivel up like Playoff Kyle Lowry.

Can’t Wait. Magic in 4.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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