Does Philip Rivers Know He’s Bad at Football?

Earlier this week it was reported that the San Diego Chargers are moving on from Philip Rivers as the 38 year old future Hall of Famer jumps into free agency for the first time in his career with absolutely no parachute.

It’s interesting comparing Rivers’s offseason with Eli Manning.

The New York Giants technically moved on from Manning two seasons ago when the head coach and the real life human inspiration for Oogie Boogie from A Nightmare Before Christmas, Ben McAdoo, benched Eli for Geno Smith thus ending Manning’s historic consecutive start streak to play one of the worst QB’s in NFL history.

Shout out Geno. Ya bish.

But Eli Manning’s contract finally ended this offseason, like Rivers’s, but unlike the man he was traded for in the 2004 draft, Eli recognized his talent had escaped him and knew his playing options were minuscule so he opted to retire.

In Phil’s defense, Geno Smith was his backup in 2018 and he didn’t lose his job to that bum like Eli did. He led the Chargers to the playoffs and a victory in the Wildcard round over rookie Lamar Jackson and the Baltimore Ravens before the New England Patriots sent the Chargers on a mandatory vacation.

It’s also easier for Eli to retire knowing that he’s leaving with two Super Bowl MVPs and confidence that he’s the greatest quarterback in New York football history. Giants or Jets. It’s Eli Manning.

Philip Rivers has a grand total of zero (0) Super Bowl appearances and he’s basically just Dan Fouts with more meaningless yards and shit.

So one could understand why Rivers has yet to announce that his career is over when he still has career milestones he hasn’t checked off.

BUT, if Rivers is staying in the league in hopes of winning a chip, then it’s a strange decision for him to pack up his family of 18,000 children and move to Florida this year. Are the Tampa Bay Buccaneers any closer to winning a Super Bowl than the Chargers?

The only difference between the Bucs and the Chargers is that the Bucs quarterback threw 10 more interceptions and 7 more touchdowns than the old man who is limping into town to replace him.

Stats time: In 2018, Ryan Fitzpatrick played in 8 games for the Tampa Buccaneers and threw 17 touchdown passes. That’s 6 less than Philip Rivers threw in 2019 in twice as many games. Fitzpatrick had 295.8 yards per game in 2018 and Rivers had 288.4 last season.

Fitzpatrick threw touchdowns on 6.9% of his pass attempts.

Rivers threw 3.9.

I know, Rivers had more attempts and blah blah so just to make it fair, Fitzpatrick had 89 fewer pass attempts than Rivers this past season in Miami. Not too far apart. Fitzpatrick threw a touchdown on 4% of his attempts.

Wow, still better than Rivers.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers would be downgrading from the backup quarterback they moved on from a year ago.

I hate to make Ryan FitzHatTrick the Mendoza line of mediocrity but if we’re comparing QB options for Florida teams, both Miami and Tampa would be better off with the Harvard Hammer as opposed to Daddy Day Care.

Soooo, does Philip Rivers know he’s bad at football?

It’s never a good look when everyone in sports media is predicting that Tom Brady—one of the worst QBs in the NFL last season—is going to play for the Chargers because there are so many chances and it’s his best chance to win a Super Bowl.

Especially when no one on Earth has said that about Rivers on that very same roster.

Someone sit Phil down and tell him that no one is in a hurry to sign the aging veteran who had 25 turnovers and again, has zero Super Bowl appearances with stacked rosters year after year.

Enjoy your retirement, Phil. Whether you know you are or not.

Philip Rivers sucks.



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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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