Pat Shurmur Is The Perfect Head Coach For The New York Giants

It’s Pat Shurmur’s city now and we must all adjust accordingly. The Minnesota Vikings offensive coordinator and backup quarterback whisperer is coming to the New York Giants to create the next great dynasty. I hope you all have the energy for Super Bowl winning parades annually.

The Pat Shurmur hiring doesn’t come without criticism. For one, the last game he coached, the Vikings had their doors blown off by the Philadelphia Eagles. A 38-7 bludgeoning is not quite the way you want to inspire hope in your next job. The Giants could enter the next season without a head coach and they’d score more than 7 points. Maybe.

This also isn’t Shurmur’s first head coaching job. In 2011 and 2012, Shurmur led the Cleveland Browns to a fantastic 9-23 record. I’ll be honest, that’s not a great look. Call me old-fashioned but I like my head coaches to win games.

But to defend his time in Cleveland, can anyone win football games with Seneca Wallace and Brandon Wheedon? The Browns front office goes out of their way to win games. Wouldn’t be shocked if the Browns didn’t even have a gym at the stadium and they handed out Planet Fitness memberships to all of their players.

It’s an impossible situation in Cleveland. Unless your name is Hue Jackson in which case you can win only 1 game in two seasons and finesse your way out of being fired by blaming like, the water boys and shit.

You cannot ignore the impact he had on the Vikings this season as he flipped their offense from the 28th ranked last season to 11th in 2017. He developed a third-string quarterback into a budding star. Case Keenum is about to get a fat check in the offseason because Shurmur waved his magic wand and made everyone forget that Keenum started 9 games for the Los Angeles Rams last year and only won 4 of those games. He also threw more interceptions than touchdowns. Not great.

Let’s not forget Shurmur’s time in Philadelphia. Everyone and their mothers continue to talk about that one time Nick Foles had a pro bowl season. In 2013 Shurmur was the offensive coordinator for Chip Kelly’s Eagles and they broke team records in points, yards and touchdowns so ya know, it was the best offensive season in the history of the Eagles franchise.


Most importantly, players enjoy being around Shurmur. It would be very easy to fire Ben McAdoo because he lost control of the locker room and then overreact by bringing in a strict disciplinarian to try to reign the team in. That would be a dumb decision. The players would rebel against that coach day one and the downslide would continue.

Pat Shurmur is going to come in and be the cool guy that Ben McAdoo and his wack ass slicked back hair was trying to be. Don’t be surprised if you see Pat Shurmur in the next Miami yacht photo with Odell Beckham and Sterling Shephard with his shirt off and rocking the freshest Timbs.

I will see you all at the Super Bowl parade next year.





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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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