Okay Fine, Let’s Talk About Area 51

Everyone and their mothers are making the same wack alien jokes all over the internet because a few people made a ‘Storm Area 51‘ Facebook event last month. Over a million people said they were attending. Shout out to everyone who said they were ‘interested’, an event option made exclusively to make Brian feel better about no one actually wanting to go to his birthday party at Barcade.

So many ‘jokes’ about how they’re going to storm Area 51 and what people will do with their new pet aliens and that’s all cool or whatever. Shout out to the internet for beating a joke to death. Not the first time and certainly won’t be the last time.

And I don’t want to be the adult in the room and give the bad news but like, there aren’t aliens at Area 51.

It is smart to question authority. It is smart to not blindly follow the government as they do not have your best interests in mind. But if aliens really landed her in the 50’s, we’d know about it.

You cannot hide a secret like that for 50+ years. The second someone sees an alien they’re going home and telling everyone in their town at the local bar that night.

The first thing Donald Trump would’ve said after his inauguration is what the aliens are up to right now. Also, how long do you think the lifespan of an alien is? Half of the people who worked at Area 51 are dead but the same aliens are still chillin there?

Now, I want to make it very clear that aliens are probably real. But they are not being held captive in Area 51. They are not appearing in flying saucers or abducting random farmers in the middle of nowhere to put probes in their butts for no reason and then dropping them off the next morning like it was no big deal.

They’re probably in another galaxy minding their own business and eating their version of Chinese food. Aliens, they’re just like us!

So nah, they didn’t crash land in Nevada.

What would the government gain from hiding aliens from us? There are legit kids in cages at the border that you see crying on your local low stakes news network. The government isn’t hiding shit from us.

Everyone please storm Area 51 and enjoy the rain of bullets by military level security. There’ll be more seats on the train and less corny jokes on my Twitter timeline.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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