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Nooooope, Nah Fuck This…Cancel the 2019 MLB Season

Nah. The 2019 season doesn’t count. It’s officially bullshit at this point.

It was allllll fun and games until Aaron Judge got hurt. It sucked that Miguel Andujar, Giancarlo Stanton, Gary Sanchez and Aaron Hicks were out. It was cute that Greg Bird hurt himself so that he can feel like he was apart of the team.

But noooooope. We’re done here. Everyone else can go enjoy this baseball season. The New York Yankees will no longer be participating.

Aaron Judge was hitting .275 with 4 homers, 10 RBIs and a .400 on-base percentage. He was just starting to swing for power as of late and now he has an oblique injury. An injury that takes a long ass time to heal.

The fact that Major League Baseball allowed this season to go on without Didi Gregorius was already a massive mistake on their part but now that Judge is hurt, cancel this shit.

Nothing matters anymore. Life has no meaning. It’s over.

I can pretend to be positive and mention that CC Sabathia, Masahiro Tanaka and James Paxton have been lights out recently which has made up for the massive hole that Luis Severino’s absence has left.

I can pretend like Clint Frazier and Mike Tauchman’s recent surge of power is meaningful and can help keep the Yankees afloat. DJ LeMahieu is the best hitter not named Christian Yelich. Luke Voit is on a streak and has reached base saf—IT DOESN’T MATTER. NONE OF THIS MATTERS.

Who the fuck is Gio Urshela and why am I watching him play baseball 6 nights a week? Mike Ford is a minor league baseball player. No one has ever seen Tyler Wade hit a baseball.

Rob Manfred needs to stop policing black people and their use of the n-word and needs to just shut this whole fucking season down until Aaron Judge is back.

Cancel. The. Season.

And real quick, how is this elderly man still the head trainer of the New York Yankees?

Get this geriatric man OUUUUUT of here. Steve Donohue cannot in any way understand modern medicine and physical therapy. There have been so many advances in health and medicine and this old fuck is still rubbing honey on sore ankles.

I get the feeling that this man who was alive when Jesus resurrected, has any idea how to properly stretch the biggest baseball players the game has ever seen. BOOOOOOOOO this man.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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