jose bautista phillies

New York Mets Send Jose Bautista’s Bitch Ass Out of My City and Into Philadelphia

SEEEE YAAAAA, Jose.

 

I’ve been on edge ever since the New York Mets acquired from the Atlanta Braves earlier this season. The Mets really brought one of my well-known enemies directly into my backyard which was a direct slap in the face to me. I’ve made my Bautista feelings quite public.

This season Jose Bautista is batting .196 this season with 11 homers and 42 RBIs. It’s easy for me to mock the 37 year old who is at the end of his career but those are still better numbers than what Greg Bird is doing for the Yankees.

Bautista can help the Phillies, probably. I’m just glad that he’s no longer in Queens like, digging through my garbage cans at night and taking up 3 seats on the LIRR during peak hours. Now he’s in Philadelphia lowering property values and tainting the water supply.

Suddenly, the air is fresher in New York. The sun is brighter. Everyone in the streets is suddenly smiling ear to ear. The homeless guy that yells at me outside of the Dunkin Donuts every morning is in a tuxedo handing out $20 bills.

Life without Jose Bautista feels so good.

SEEEEE YAAAAAA.

 

 

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you are also wishing for Jose Bautista to be personally responsible for ruining the Phillies playoff chances. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.

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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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