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New England Patriots Owner Robert Kraft Arrested For Getting a $25 Rub and Tug in Florida


Robert Kraft is a billionaire who was just caught getting a handy at the local ‘spa’. Wow, billionaires, they’re just like us!!!

New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft, one of the most powerful men in American football, was charged today on two counts of soliciting prostitution in connection to a recent law enforcement bust on massage parlors in Florida that, according to law enforcement, were used for prostitution and human trafficking. The news comes a few weeks after the Patriots won their sixth Super Bowl and days after Kraft appeared at the NBA All-Star game.

In a press conference Friday morning, Jupiter Police chief Daniel Kerr said Kraft was charged with two counts of soliciting prostitution. Kerr said there is video evidence of Kraft involved in sex acts in a massage parlor on two occasions. Twenty-five people were charged with soliciting prostitution at the Orchids of Asia Spa in Jupiter. (Source)

The New England Patriots just won their 6th Super Bowl title and their Owner, Bobby Kraft, went down to Jupiter Florida to spend an hour at the local sketchy Asian massage parlor next to the Chipotle and 24 check cashing place to get himself a cheap $20 happy ending.

Robert Kraft is a wealthy 77-year old man who just wanted his old withered wrinkled sloppy wee wee touched by a professional and now he’s in handcuffs. What a shame.

Personally, I think he has better resources and could hire someone to meet him in a more discreet location but Robert Kraft isn’t like most billionaires. He’s a man of the people. His whole brand is that he’s ‘one of us’. Whether he’s dancing on stage with Cardi B or he’s sitting courtside of the Boston Celtics game with Gucci Mane, he’s just one of the homies.

Instead, he wanted to hit up the local rub n tug joint next to the KFC and the liquor store in broad daylight on a Friday afternoon and now he’s in the back a police car. Cold world.

Also, we should probably revisit our society’s relationship with sex work but that’s a conversation for another day. #FreeBobbyKraft.

(Never go to Florida).






Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Robert Kraft should be able to pay for prostitutes if he wants. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Follow on Instagram so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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