My Best Sharknado 3 Jokes

OK, don’t act like you didn’t. You did. I did. A lot of people who would never admit it did. Syfy has done a great job making the annual Sharknado movie the social media event of the summer. Much like you, last night I hunkered down, checked my brain at the door and watched Finn and company try to save us all. Aside from a feeling of deep shame, here’s what I came away with from Sharknado 3

 

I don’t know what’s going to kill more brain cells faster; just watching this movie or the twelver of Natty Ice I will drink while doing so.

I’m glad they showed the first two Sharknados right before, so the nuances aren’t lost on anyone.

Somewhere, Luke Perry is crying.

Sharknado 3 has as much plot development as that porn I watched this morning.

Certainly I am not the only one rooting for the sharks to clean up Washington.

This is already the best Mark Cuban movie I have ever seen.

When did this turn into a commercial for Universal Orlando?

Nerd alert: Steve Sanders’ I8A 4RE license plate in “The Beast.” Geez, I need help.

Nova is a total stripper name, and I am cool with that.

How is it the weather people aren’t forecasting all these damn sharknados?

How the hell does April get through TSA with a buzzsaw hidden in her arm?

“Hey, everyone, even though a shark just fell into the pool, nothing to see here. Park is still open.”

The sharks crashing into the Daytona 500 is quite possibly the worst special effect I have ever seen.

Fin and Nova crash their plane in a lake in full combat gear; emerge in their underwear. FML

#NovasBoobs

Why did the shark have to eat Chris Jericho? Why couldn’t it have been John Cena?

Right now, there are dolts who are stoked that their Tweet appeared on Sharknado. And these people should not be allowed to reproduce.

NASCAR cars don’t have backseats, no way two of them get 4 people to Cape Caneveral.

Good thing Danica Patrick wasn’t driving them, or else she would have crashed them inside of ten minutes.

During commercials, the amount of horny dudes Googling “Sharknado Nova Naked” has to be astounding.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you. You’re gonna make a great father….this time.”

Where can I download that song I heard on Sharknado?” Said no one.

Why do Sharknados only happen in America?

Is that Anthony Wiener making a cameo, aborting the shuttle launch?

Why haven’t the Ghost Hunters made a cameo yet?

OK, points for launching a pregnant broad into space. I’m sure that won’t fuck with the pregnancy.

I would think if a shark even touched the space shuttle, the shuttle would be majorly fucked.

I’m pretty sure sharks can’t breathe in space. Pretty sure. Didn’t pay a lot of attention in science class.

Somewhere, there is some hack writer going, “OK, how do I make Sharknado 4 even worse?”

I have no argument with April giving birth in a shark, just that she had her clothes on.

How the hell did Hasslehoff get to the moon??

I think, if he had the ability, Finn would vote #AprilDies just so he could upgrade to the younger, hotter, boobier Nova.

Safe bet that Tara Reid’s PR firm is doing everything it can to push the #AprilLives hashtag.

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Written by Kevin McFadden

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