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My Advice To Domingo German

New York Yankees starting pitcher, Domingo German, had emerged as the most consistent starter in a rotation crippled by injuries and elderly men who have no business attempting to pitch every five days over the course of 8 months.

German is tied for second in the AL with 18 wins on the season. He leads all Yankees starters with a 4.03 ERA. His slider is a deadly strikeout pitch and he was set to be a crucial arm out of the bullpen in the postseason with the starters only going 3 or 4 innings before German came in and shut shit down for a couple of innings.




OH shit.



Andddd nevermind.

Domingo German went from a key piece to the Yankees Championship puzzle to out of the sport of baseball entirely because he slapped the hell out of his wife.

But not only did he slap his wife but this big dumb dummy did it in the middle of a MLB event in front of officials who work directly with the commissioner of baseball and presumably his teammates must’ve been there at this event as well.

And for all the ‘innocent to proven guilty’ losers on the internet, there were witnesses who saw it happen. This isn’t he said/she said. It happened. In front of everyone. Live.

So here’s my advice to Domingo German: stop hitting your wife.

Let’s make one thing: no one hits their wife in public for the first time. Remember that video of Ray Rice two-piecing his soulmate before dragging her dead body out of that elevator as if he was annoyed to have been burdened with having to carry her KOed corpse.

You could tell right away that it was not the first time he Tysoned his wifey. He wasn’t freaking out that he might’ve hurt her. He wasn’t in shock that she was knocked out. He just dragged her out like a bouncer picking up a passed out drunk girl from the bathroom floor.

German clapped homegirl in front of his bosses and coworkers. You know for a fact that was not the first time and one can only imagine how their home life is.

We can only hope that this suspension leads to counseling that helps the German family overcome this problem because there is a potential outcome where German is angry about the end of his career and takes it out on his wife even worse.

Congratulations to the New York Yankees for doing the right thing and keeping German off this team for the remainder of the season. There are consequences to your actions. If you can’t have a five o’clock shadow then you certainly can’t backhand your wife.

Wait what’s that? They traded for Aroldis Chapman who pulled a gun out on his wife while strangling her? They traded for him AFTER that? Oh. But hold on hold on they eventually traded that cancer away.

WHAT? They immediately signed him again a few months later??? Sports are super fun and cool.

My advice to the New York Yankees: Be. Fucking. Consistent. Establish where your morality lies. Do not set a level of talent that supersedes your moral compass. What if German could throw 100mph? Would they have blamed his wife for falling into his open palm?

This whole situation is gross but at least we don’t have to watch German pitch again and have to decide if wanting the Yankees to win is more important than wanting his wife to be safe.

Also, fuck Domingo German.

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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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