Morning Caffeine News Rush: Jordan Peele Blesses Us With a New Horror Classic and LeBron James Hates Jews

On today’s morning caffeine news rush, we have Jordan Peele dropping a potential classic on us, Ayn Rand being a little snitch and LeBron James hating the chosen tribe.

1. The trailer for Jordan Peele’s Next Horror Movie ‘Us’ Hits the Streets.

I got fiiiiiiiiive on it.

2. Donald Trump Tells a Little Boy That Santa Claus Isn’t Real on Christmas.

You can’t ask a child if they ‘still believe’ in Santa Claus because it implies that they shouldn’t. This is YOUR president.

3. LeBron James is Getting That Jewish Money.

In LeBron’s defense, those were the nicest lyrics that he could potentially quote from a 21 Savage album.

4. Ayn Rand Used To Snitch To The FBI Whenever She Saw a Movie That May Have Communist Ideas Including It’s a Wonderful Life.

Ayn Rand would be the queen of the alt-right if she were alive today to complain about everything.

5. Cardi B and Offset Went on Vacation This Weekend Despite Their Very Public Divorce.

Cardi B is famous very being herself and being so relatable. There is nothing more relatable than dumping someone and then banging them 48 hours later.

6. Urban Meyer To Teach ‘Character and Leadership’ Class At Ohio State.

Is…is this irony?…

7. Nicki Minaj Joins the Cast of Angry Birds 2.

I assume this will be just two hours of her ready her own tweets out loud.

8. Arizona Cardinals Sign DJ Swearinger After He Was Cut by Washington For Publicly Shitting on the Coaching Staff.

Closed. Mouths. Don’t. Get. Fed. Complain until you get your way.

9. 21 Savage Drops New Album ‘I Am Greater Than I Was’

Minus all the LeBron controversy and a wack J Cole feature, this actually is a FIRE album.

10. Aquaman Dominates Box Office As DC Continues To Release Awful Movies That Make Billions

Explain to me how Aquaman wears leather pants under water and I’ll go see this movie.

Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Jordan Peele is about to drop the movie of the year. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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