Morning Caffeine News Rush: Cardi B is a Single Mother Now and Michael Flynn is Signing Like Whitney Houston

Today’s Morning Caffeine News Rush we have, Cardi B finally fed up with Offset, Patrick Corbin is a bitch and Michael Flynn is snitching on Trump.


1. Cardi B Announces She is Now Single After Offset Gets Caught Cheating Again

No joke here. I genuinely feel bad for Cardi. Imagine getting daily texts from friends like ‘hey, I think I see Offset banging an IG model….again’. Dating. Is. Hard.



2. Turns Out Markelle Fultz Has a Legit Shoulder Injury.

Remember when we all diagnosed Fultz with anxiety issues? Yea, he’s fine. His shoulder just hurts like a motherfucker.



3. Michael Flynn To Receive Zero Jail Time After Providing Robert Mueller With Key Info on Trump.

Apparently, Michael Flynn is snitching on Donald Trump and Russia’s involvement in the 2016 election like he’s Gossip Girl.



4. Patrick Corbin Signs With Washington Nationals

Look, some people can handle the pressures of playing in New York and some people are little bitches.



5. Former Clemson Starting QB Kelly Bryant is Transferring to Mizzou

Everyone is celebrating Jalen Hurts for sticking around at Alabama after being benched but nah. You only have a small window in college to play. If you are good enough to start and you aren’t getting playing time, go transfer, my dude.



6. Netflix is Developing a ‘Between Two Ferns’ Movie.

Zach Galifianakis is one of the best stand up comedians of all time so yes, make more movies with Zach being an absolute weirdo. The world is ready to forget Hangover 3.



7. Urban Meyer is Retiring

I just can’t wait to see what stories come out now that Urban Meyer is retiring. How many more of his coaches were swatting their wives like flies? How many more of his players were killers like Aaron Hernandez?



8. Kevin Hart To Host The Oscars

I’m already annoying.



9. Green Bay Packers Assistant Coach Fired After Tweeting That Aaron Rodgers is the Real Problem

You want to know how I know that this guy is an idiot? Because I was just able to copy and paste this tweet. My guy DIDN’T DELETE THIS YET?! Yea, fire him asap.

10. Ada Hegerberg Wins The First Ever Female Ballon d’Or and Is Immediately Asked If She Can Twerk

2018 and we’re still like ‘congrats for being the best soccer player in the world…show us your butt’.





Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you’re about to swan dive into Cardi B’s DM with me. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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