Opening Day has arrived. Baseball is here. I am miserable knowing that I’m about to write this 3,000-word article every week that no one is going to read but I ya know, like baseball. So I will sacrifice for the real heads out there who want this heat.
Here are the first Deadseriousness MLB Power Rankings:
30. Boston Red Sox
Ah, I’m stretching out my baseball writing muscles for the first time since the Yankees lost Game 7 of the ALCS last season. It feels good to be back. Let me just start off by saying fuck the Boston Red Sox. That felt good. It is officially baseball season.
The Red Sox won 93 games last year. Sure. But they ranked 26th in slugging percentage and simply could not get the ball out of the park. They were exhibit A of why MLB should let players take steroids again. The Atlanta Braves had a higher OPS than the Red Sox and I can’t remember but I feel like the Braves won zero games.
Anyway, fuck the Boston Red Sox.