Midnight Conversation is going to be a new nightly feature here on Deadseriousness in which I will write out the mundane, pointless thoughts that keep me up at night. This is going to be extremely therapeutic for me. If you keep up with this nonsense, then you’ll notice that I really only know/care about movies or, like, the Knicks. I’m a one-dimensional kinda guy.
I saw Batman V. Superman on opening night because of course I did. After 24 hours of letting the movie sit in my brain, I think I can confidently complain about this 4-hour long serious conversation. I left the theatre for 20 minutes to buy french fries because I’m on a HUGE french fry bender. In that 20 minute absence, I missed literally nothing.
This is going to be filled with spoilers and speculation and if you haven’t seen the movie then why would you even click on this article? This is also going to be all over the place because so was the movie.
I’ll start with Wonder Woman who stole the show. On the flip side of that, Diana Prince, Wonder Woman’s alter ego, did not even need to be in the show. I don’t even understand what she was doing for the entirety of the movie. It seemed like she was just traveling the world. Maybe we’ll get more insight as to why when she has her own solo movie but she sucked.
Also, I know you don’t want all of your characters being all powerful and shit while Batman is crawling under cars or whatever but it would’ve been super cool if Wonder Woman could fly instead of jumping on a plane to Metropolis. Very unrealistic that she’d be able to book that flight on such short notice. Plus her carry-on bag for sure would’ve needed to be checked. You can’t bring fucking SWORDS on commercial airlines.
I might just end this midnight conversation here. I wrote way too much about Wonder Woman but I’d hate myself if I didn’t shit on Lex Luthor. I to first say that I don’t think Jesse Einsenberg was bad. Whatever he did, he did the best to his ability. But that man in Batman V. Superman is not Lex Luthor. For whatever reason, every comic book villain is trying their own Heath Ledger Joker impression and it’s awful.
Lex Luthor is crazy in his obsession with acquiring power and making Superman powerless but he isn’t an actual lunatic. They did a horrible job of establishing why Lex Luthor even cares about Superman. Their paths had never crossed and he hadn’t wronged him in any way. Luthor’s one role in this movie seemed to be beating the audience over the head with the ‘Superman is a god’ shit.
As far as Ben Affleck Batman, he was fine. I mean, Batman basically blew up downtown Gotham in an attempt to steal Kryptonite. Pretty hypocritical to be angry at Superman for demolishing Metropolis while you’re driving a fucking tank through buildings.
If you loved Superman breaking Zod’s neck in Man of Steel then you’re going to absolutely love Batman breaking all of his enemies bones in the most brutal way possible. Can’t wait for the Wonder Woman movie where she rips a man’s heart out through his back. Or the Flash movie where he literally runs through another human being. What’s the estimated kill count in Aquaman? Billions? Love the vicious blood-thirsty DC movies. Less Lex Luthor, more Batman stabbing dudes in the lungs.
Tweet to @TheLesterLee to join the midnight conversation.