Michael Porter Jr Needs To Shut Up and Dribble

Michael Porter Jr was one of the best prospects out of high school this decade. He was the chosen one. The Prince That Promised but after suffering brutal back injuries, he ended up missing his freshman season at Missouri and dropping in the NBA Draft.

The lock for the No. 1 pick ended up falling to 14 and being selected to Denver where he would miss his entire rookie season nursing that back injury before finally re-emerging as a scoring threat off the bench that can shoot from anywhere and who is versatile enough to defend every position on the floor.

Oh, he’s also dumb as shit and needs to have his wifi privileges removed as he is on Snapchat vomiting up lame conspiracy theories to his impressionable young fans. I’m never the ‘think of the children’ guy but yea, I’m going to imagine that if you follow MPJ on Snapchat than you’re no older than 16.

Let’s stop for a second. 152,000 Americans have died from Coronavirus. And those are just the number of deaths reported. It’s not including the millions of Americans that don’t have health care and weren’t even allowed a hospital bed and died at home from this plague.

More and more people are experiencing first hand how serious this virus is as it cripples some people for a solid month before their body begins to recover. This is no flu. As much as right-wing conservative assholes like Clay Travis want you to believe this is all no big deal, this is serious as hell.

So these conspiracy theories don’t even make sense. Who is controlling us, Michaal Porter Jr? How privileged did your life need to be that the idea of having to stay inside for 5-6 weeks made you feel like your rights and freedoms were being taken away from you?

When Fox News host, Laura Ingram, told LeBron James to ‘shut up and dribble’, what she was actually saying is that she didn’t want to hear LeBron complain about racial inequality. Apparently he was not qualified to talk about racism because although he’s been black his entire life, he’s been rich for a decade therefore he can’t speak on the matter anymore. Dumb shit.

But Michael Porter Jr should absolutely shut up and dribble because his rhetoric is literally dangerous and could actually kill people. Karl-Anthony Towns’s mom died from Coronavirus and MPJ is like ‘the shadow government is controlling us man, open your eyes’.

You cannot say it’s being ‘overblown’ when over 150,000 people are buried in the ground from it. Honestly, it’s not being taken anywhere near seriously enough because assholes like Michael Porter Jr think this is some cute little conspiracy after watching an unlisted Youtube video with 100 views and zero facts.

Just play basketball and shut the fuck up, Michael.

Oh brother. Cops murder a defenseless black man and MPJ wants us to pray for the murderers. What a wonderful life this kid must live in where he has the luxury to pray for serial killers and pretend like Covid isn’t real. He is the star of his own low stakes Judd Apatow movie just having the time of his life with Seth Rogan as the rest of us are really risking our lives daily just leaving the house.

Please shut up and dribble.


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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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