Michael Avenatti Might Be The Dumbest Human on Earth

Federal prosecutors in Manhattan and Los Angeles charged attorney Michael Avenatti nearly simultaneously in two criminal cases Monday, unsealing complaints that alleged he attempted to extort more than $20 million from Nike and that he committed wire and bank fraud.

Avenatti was arrested Monday afternoon in Manhattan, law enforcement officials tell CNN. He was released on a $300,000 bond Monday night and said outside federal court that he is “highly confident” that he will be “fully exonerated.”

According to the complaint, Avenatti met March 19 with attorneys for Nike and threatened to release what he said were allegations of misconduct by employees on the eve of both its quarterly earnings call and the start of the NCAA tournament.

Avenatti would disclose the allegations at a press conference, he said, according to the complaint, unless Nike made millions in payments to him and an unnamed co-conspirator by hiring them to conduct an “internal investigation,” for which he later requested between $15 million and $20 million. Avenatti also allegedly demanded that Nike pay $1.5 million to an individual he claimed to represent. (CNN)

This dumb bitch.

For everyone who thought Michael Avenatti was helping the ‘resistance’, laugh out loud. It’s almost as if lawyers are dirtbags and will take any case that will improve their careers and put money in their pockets regardless of the cause.

Avenatti didn’t want to help Stormy Daniels stand up against Donald Trump and take down corrupt administration. Nah, he wanted those sweet delicious headlines and an easy W. Oh, and wire transfer of money.

And now this idiot had the audacity to try to blackmail NIKE.

Nike is one of the biggest corporations on this planet and Avenatti is an ant. He’s irrelevant. David vs. Goliath isn’t a fair comparison. It’s disrespectful to Nike. It’s more like zygote vs. Goliath.

This man really called up Nike like ‘hey, if you don’t slip me some hush money, I’m going to tell everyone the TRUTH about your relationship with the NCA—’

And before he could finish his weak threat, he was in handcuffs and thrown in a jail cell. Nike had cops on the way to his home when they answered the damn phone.

Michael Avenatti is really out here acting like that guy in The Dark Knight Rises who found out that Bruce Wayne was Batman and tried to use that as leverage to take over Wayne Industries.

Spoiler: he didn’t take over Wanye Industries.

Bruce Wayne hit him with a car.

Oh no. Mikey, you big dumb bitch. Nike is going to have this man killed. They are so powerful that they may single-handedly change the NCAA and force them to pay the players while Avenatti is in prison for, ya know, extorton.

Sidenote: DeAndre Ayton didn’t even sign with Nike. Shout out to my dude collecting bags left and right. “Fuck you, pay me -ODB” -DeAndre Ayton.


Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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