Elizabeth Swaney is a 33-year old maniac from California who managed to game the Olympic system in order to represent Hungary in the freestyle skiing competition at the 2018 Winter Olympics despite having the skiing ability of someone who watched a Youtube tutorial once and decided to go down their first slope without any real training or experience.
Here is her Olympic halfpipe run:
— NBC Olympics (@NBCOlympics) February 20, 2018
This is amazing. It’s impossible not to laugh out loud when she stops at the beginning of her run and hops a centimeter off the snow. Dope tricks.
Swaney’s final score was 31.40. For comparison’s sake, the lowest qualifying score was 72.80. She didn’t even come close to making it to the next round. Love the aggressive fist pump with her ‘coach’ before she awkwardly drifts sideways down the halfpipe.
Here is the problem with Elizabeth Swaney: I have no idea whether or not she’s being a troll or if she is genuinely a sociopath.
“I didn’t qualify for finals so I’m really disappointed. It is an honor to compete at the Olympics, and I am really excited to compete among other amazing women from across the world”.
Swaney said she was disappointed that she didn’t qualify for the finals and she said it with a straight face.
In order to qualify for women’s skiing, all you need to do is finish in the top 30 at World Cup events across the globe which Swaney was able to do with ease because a majority of the competitions didn’t even have 30 women participating. She finished in the top 30 by default.
Plus, with her slow ‘tortoise wins the race’ ski style, she was able to finish ahead of women who actually tried to complete tricks and ended with them crashing. By never falling, she made it to the Olympics representing Hungary because her grandfather has some Hungarian blood in him or something.
Elizabeth Swaney attended Cal-Berkely and Harvard so I don’t know if we’re dealing with a master Harvard comedy writer or an entitled blonde chick who genuinely thinks she’s a good enough skier to earn Olympic medals.
Here is the athletic reel that she put together and posted on Youtube. On purpose.
BAHAHAHAHA. There is literally a point in that reel where she barely manages to stay upright on roller skates. Why did she keep that in the final cut of the video? Also, you have to respect the use of slow motion here for no reason. Respect the art.
I. Don’t. Know. If. She’s. Crazy.
While in college she filed paperwork to run for governor of California against Arnold Schwarzenegger. She once tried to become an Oakland Raiders cheerleader.
I’m guessing it didn’t go well.
Perhaps Elizabeth Swaney is a woman who is pursuing her dreams of becoming an Olympian and she found the loophole in the rules that allowed her to compete in the Winter Games this year.
Perhaps we should be celebrating her perseverance and we should be inspired by this Disney movie waiting to happen.
Perhaps this is all one big Nathan For You episode that we’ll see next season on Comedy Central where he somehow managed to scam the Olympics. Swaney could be a comedic genius who is able to keep a straight face as she slowly walks down the halfpipe with a packed crowd of South Korean onlookers unsure if they should be applauding or going on a bathroom break before the real athletes come out.
Or perhaps, and what is most likely, is that Elizabeth Swaney is a weird sociopath from Cali who doesn’t realize that she is a human meme and earnestly believes that she can be governor of a state or Olympic gold medalist with no real knowledge of anything.
Regardless of her motives and regardless of whether or not she’s in on the joke, this is the most hilarious story in Olympic history and she for sure has my vote when she inevitably runs for president in 2020.
Thanks for reading. Tweet to @TheLesterLee if you think Elizabeth Swaney is an absolute psychopath. Also, go ahead and throw Deadseriousness a Like on Facebook so that I can keep the lights on around here at HQ.