Mariah Carey Leaves Nick Cannon So She Can Bang Me

Rumors have been swirling for months over Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s eminent divorce. We break news here at Deadseriousness and it’s time I reveal the real reason why this celebrity couple is calling it quits. There are several rumors as to why they are breaking up. They are all false.

“Our sources say  … Nick’s appearance on Big Boy’s radio show in March was the beginning of the end. Nick played Big Boy’s game — name the 5 celebs you’ve slept with. Nick named 5, but our sources say the one that made Mariah insane was Kim Kardashian.”

 

Nice try, TMZ but unfortunately you are about to get scooped. This divorce isn’t about Kim Kardashian. It’s about me. After a decade of sexual tension between Mariah and I, its all finally come to a head. She has finally decided to end her fake marriage with child star turned adult child star, Nick Cannon. Using Kim Kardashian as an excuse to leave for me is sooo classic Mariah. It’s only a matter of time until my cell phone blows up from Mariah’s late night sexts. I wasn’t planning on raising children at this point in my life but I suppose I’ll step up to the plate and raise the Carey children. What’s a nice cheap hotel that I can book a room at short notice to bang an R&B Superstar? Just wondering…


TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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