maria sharapova

Maria Sharapova Should Do Steroids

Maria Sharapova fucking stinks.

Earlier this week, she took another L in the first round of the Australian Open losing 6-3,6-4 in straight sets to Croatian, Donna Vekic, who limped into the match following a 2019 full of miserable injuries.

Sharapova was dominated.

For the 3rd consecutive Grand Slam tournament, Maria has been bounced out of here in the first round which is embarrassing. She was once the No. 1 player in the world and now she sneaks into these competitions after being granted wildcard entry time and time again only to get powerbombed in round one.

Here’s Maria Sharapova discussing her tennis future:

Oh, Maria doesn’t know if she’s done playing tennis? I’ll help her out real quick: Maria, you’re done playing tennis.

She couldn’t finish the French Open and Wimbleton because of injuries and in the US Open, she was dunked on by Serena Williams in the first round.

But if Sharapova intends to maintain her tennis career, she should 1000% call up her old dealer and get back on that steroid regiment that she was busted for back in 2016.

I genuinely like Sharapova. I recognize this article doesn’t seem to show that but tennis is more exciting when there are stars in the tournaments. Tennis is also more exciting when Serena Williams has enemies whether it’s Sharapova or a line judge, we need Serena pissed and Maria just has that effect on her.

Homegirl is only 31 and her career is over. That’s depressing as hell. Please let her do all of the steroids in the world to get her back to the Finals. The sport needs it.

Yes, we have Naomi Osaka and now Cori Gauff but they have no giants to slay. They’re faces that don’t have a top heel to take down. They need a villain and the cute blonde who is openly cheating the rules would be the perfect Wrestlemania main event.

Dear Maria Sharapova, please get back on the juice. We need you.




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Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

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