steve underwood

Look At This Goofy Motherfucker

Over the weekend, the Tennessee Titans team president, Steve Underwood retired and the world was introduced to what this man actually looks like.

Has this man always looked like this? Or did he watch The Dark Knight Rises and thought that Bane’s face mask was the perfect look for him? I honestly don’t even like looking at this. I can’t tell if he lost his lips in a fire or some shit and now he’s covering up the accident with the most specific facial hair.

I didn’t even know hair could grow there. And it’s clearly styled like, he shaves the rest of his face to make sure that you see his beard. It also doesn’t help that he lacks a chin which might go back to my fire theory where he lost half his face but like any superhero origin story, he gains the ability to grow the dumbest mustache and he is abusing the great power/great responsibility concept.

I want to continue mocking him but here is his very self-aware reaction to the attention he’s gotten about his dumb face:

“It’s a little distinctive. I don’t really have any other distinguishing characteristics. The beard and mustache are the best I can do with what I have available.”

I mean, when he describes it that way, it’s tough to talk shit. Steve Underwood looked in the mirror one day and was like ‘So this is it, huh? This is just what I’m going to look like forever? Let me grow the worst beard in modern American history to separate myself from the pack’ and you have to respect that level of self-reflection.

So shout out Steve Underwood, that goofy motherfucker. Enjoy your retirement.

 


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TheLesterLee

Written by TheLesterLee

Created Deadseriousness after being fired from every job I've ever had. One faithful night I drew the conclusion that if I was going to be unemployed, I might as well write articles that will guarantee I am un-hireable going forward. This website is the equivalent to a face tattoo.

E-mail Lester@Deadseriousness.com to talk directly about all Deadseriousness related stuff or if you just want to talk about like, the Yankees or Marvel comics or whatever.

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